When i miss you

Phone call.

"Dilah, aku teringat gambaq hang kat mak"
(eh, gambaq? mana satu. ada satu frame gambaq yang aku masukkan dalam beg mak, spy mak bawak p skolah and letak atas meja dia. ada jugak gambaq aku yang aku sendri masukkan dlm purse mak, spy mak nmpak muka aku everytime dia bukak purse. owh. mungkin gambaq dlm purse)
"Mcmana hang bleh suka hati boh gambaq sendri dlm purse mak? Merapu la hang neh"
"Abeh, aku nk mak ingat aku, aku boh la gambaq sendri"

when i miss home, or sesape la yang so dear to me. When my heads are full of ideas yg konon2 sweet, maybe i will laksanakan ideas2 tuh at that very moment. Once i feel like i wanna make mak smile, i sent flowers from here. Of course la tak bgtau dulu kan. Tak surprise la. pastuh buat2 call bila bunga tuh dah sampai. But mak will always be mak. Kenal sangat dah ngan anak dia. When she sees that flower basket, die mmg dah agak its from me.

And now i feel like, balek msia nnt rs cam tanak inform. Skali ttbe dah terpacul kat pintu umah. Mcm best kan. (skal suma owang takdak, p holiday or mana2, amek ko. ak nk lepak mane.) Ini hanyalah angan2. Mungkin jadi, mungkin tidak. For the time being, aku tak kesahlah ade owang nk amek kat epot ke tak, sbab aku akan turun Bayan Lepas anyway. Amek cab, balek umah. takyah pening2 sesapa nk mai amek. Oleh itu, kena la minimize barang2 from now. Whoa, jom ship suma benda sampai tinggal sehelai sepinggang. Oops. I found myself smiling at this idea. Haish. Tiku! merapu lagi.

Lagi-lagi saya dan dia

Dear readers,

Ha, ini adalah update pasal relationship aku ngan Encik Dewan. Lets cut it short. Last Wed, ive to submit 1000 words on the core issue about my dissertation. I am supposed to meet him tomorrow at 2pm. He sent me my writings with his comment on it.

"Next time, provide a list of reference"
"Aik, Micheal neh tak nampak ke aku dah tules kat bawah tuh"
scroll-scroll-scroll-the references is not there-scroll-check word count-661. Astaghfirullah. Dunia gelap. Cucurku sudah rase pasir. Baru berbuka puasa dengan apple dan cucur, perut rs terlalu kenyang. Heart palpitate. Lutut lemah. Bilik rase panas walaupun heater tak on.
"Pergh. Baek punya. Abes la aku besok"

You see, i am too clumsy. Aku dah terkedu di tepi katil. Ha kau. Aku bingung. Lalu aku teruskan acara berbuka puasa sambil diiringi housemates aku yang aku tau bersimpati denganku tapi takleh tahan nk gelakkan aku. Adoiyai. Tiku..Tiku..
Lalu malam ini, aku diam dan minda berputar. Salah tang mana neh chek? Lame aku pikir. Aha! There you go, laen kali lambat la lagi solat. Lalai dengan Allah, buat keje tak bersungguh. Blablabla.

'Sume salah sendiri, yang penting dulukan Dia,skali lalai dia bagi peringatan mcm neh..baru terase bersalah'.

Orang Islam malamnya bercahaya seperti bulan, dirinya mengabdi untuk Tuhan.Siangnya bercahaya bak mentari, terang menyinari menyuluh duniawi.Allah...terima kasih untuk peringatan ini.

jom!

"Recite in the name of your Lord who created" (Al-'Alaq 96:1)
When you read, you can never go wrong.

Mak taught me to read in such an early age. She did not start with the alphabet, but she starts with syllable. ka ki ku. ta ti tu. That brown book. i remember. Before masuk tadika i am a fluent reader. I dont have my book yet at that time, always needs to borrow Kakmam's fairy tales book. I still remember, it is yellow in colour and she likes Snow White during that time. Maybe she still likes it now. Tak suke pegi tadika sbab cikgu ajar eja ayam. The first day pegi tadika dapat buku latihan. the next day, ive done it all. That creates boredom in tadika. Mak handles library in her school and i grew up accustomed to library. The house is filled with books. Mak and her collection of detective stories...and also Malay literature. Mak was always absorbed with her 'Biggles' and when she is reading, there is no point to talk to her. I was exposed to encyclopedia. I found every fact in the encycopedia as valuable and interesting. My favourite will be about nature and wildlife. Not a surprise that i fond of National Geographic documentary and animals. Every month, when its payday, Mak will come home with a pile of books. Oh how i love that day. Bambino, Kawan. Dewan Pelajar. Mastika. Excitednya! One of the rooms in my house are the 'library'. There is a bookshelf lining the wall. The most collection is Mak's detective stories. Siri Salma, Siri Hadi...maybe sume siri2 penyiasat pn ade. There are also fables from other countries. That was my bedtime stories. You see, i dont read English much. I got this English from the songs and movies. I seldom listen to Malay songs when i was little. Dont ask me why. I watch English movies, but not Disney. Again, dont ask me why coz i wouldnt be able to answer. Also, every month, Mak will bring Kakmam, Saddam and I to Harfa in Bagan Ajam. This bookstore is the place mak looks for books for her school library. The carboot would be filled with the books and i got to read it first before mak puts it in the library. While mak search for suitable books to order, all three of us will wander in the bookstore. Heaven, seriously. Mcm nk pengsan gembira dapat dok kat bookstore camtuh. What a treasure.

But then, when i went to secondary school. I lost it all. I do not read anymore. I was just too busy. And i regretted it. Very much.

Mak reads Arenawati, A.Samad Said, Keris Mas and other. Me? Ill go to Shahnon Ahmad. Ummi dan Abang Sheikul (cant really recall the title), Shit, my favourite will be 'Detik-detik Diri di Daerah Daif'. Awesome. Kampung Banggul Derdap dan Bukit Srengenge...how can i forget. Ayat2 nye naked. Mmg bare habis. While i was reading the book, my mind was full with questions - 'if i ever write, will i ever be able to write as honest and truthful as his words' I am still looking for that book. Balek nnt mmg nk lepak kat DBP (ill drag line and tasha with me..and Sarah, IF she reads Malay). Ill borong all the novels that i desperately want now. Ramlee Awang Murshid, Habiburrahman El Shirazy and Shahnon Ahmad's Mahabbah.

In this farway land, where people read like crazy...i hope to bring that habit into my community.
People who read much, for me is the richest people. And by bring a wise person that i can carry out my task as a Khalifah in the short time that i have in this world.

to be continued (not a promise)

Love,
Awatif Adilah

Issue saye dan Dewan

The Saturdays:
Here in my heart we got issues,
dont know if i could hate you or miss you

Tiku sings:
Oh Micheal now ive gotta write issues,
Dont know if i wanna run to Mogadishu

The Saturdays:
Sometimes
I Feel like I’m going out of
My mind,
Boy the way you do me is a
damn crime,
But then you smile at me
and its all right,

Tiku sings:
All the time, i feel like im going outta my mind
Mike the way you do me still can be considered a normal crime
but then when you supervise my dz, needs me to stay awake all night....

Dear Micheal ive got a week to think of my issues
now i think i will need some tissue...

Har Har Har...caffeine please....

Jalan Pulang

Di sepertiga malam, terimbau kisah lama.
Di sudut mata hati terlintas segala noda-noda yang lalu
bagai laut tak bertepi
takut mencengkam diri
Di mana jalan kembali?

Cintaku padaMu, walaupun jauh tersimpang...terkandas
tetapku mencari cintaMu
Padaku tunjukkanlah jalan pulang
Lebarkan lembayung rahmatmu dengan cahaya imanMu oh tuhan.

Ya Allah ya Tuhanku,
Bagaimana harus aku tebus...?
tak sanggup aku menjai daun kering di padang mahsyarmu oh Tuhan.

Andai terjentik rasa kacau dalam diri sepanjang perjalanan ini, lindungi aku dari rasa putus asa.
Apa erti pilihan ini andai tidak diuji, namun kadangkala langkahan terhenti..Pandangan samar dek kehitaman dosa-dosa yang lalu. Terlalu hina untuk bertemuMu, namun keampunan yang dijanjikan membuat segala keperitan seperti pelangi. Indah namun sukar disentuh. Yang pasti pelangi itu ada.

"My servants who have committed excesses against themselves, do not despair of Allah's Mercy. Surely Allah forgives all sins. He is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. Turn to your Lord and surrender yourselves to Him before Chastisement overtakes you; for then you will receive no help. (Az-Zumar:53-54)

bila larut malam

bila..larut...malam...tra kucha...tara kucha cha cha...suasana sepi...lalalala

okeyh. saya ingin melaporkan bahawa sang beethoven semakin belagak dengan saya
dan membuatkan saya rs nk penyek die kat dinding. beetho...kan mama g amsterdam arituh.
i know youve waited kat depan pintu (nabilah bgtau), and rumours has it that you kencing in
my room. But ive check dear. its the tap leaking...and abes carpet bilek basah. i dont blame
you. I even bought whiskas milk tau. apsal la jual mahal. nk dtg umah pn kene panggil ka.
isk2...tak sian ke mama dok sowang2. bEethOven BelAgaK!eeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii aku nk
dukung kucing!!! nk kucing! nk kucing! nk kucing.... wawawawawawawawawa

beethovenblagaksampaiatibuatmamacamnetakpatutsungguhtaksenonohtaksianke
mamarinduabeswhiskasnehsapenkmakantakkanmamaplakyangnkmakanbuatbreakfast
cerealtakdekejenyenkmakanwhiskas.Beethoven...bgtaumakbeethobelagaknntmama
balekmalaysiasapenklayanbeethohapdanmukenntawakplakrinduhabarutawu

nah.hadiah.

mengapa kita jauh...

saat ini aku rasakan december itu terlalu jauh. takkan terkejar oleh langkahan ini walau aku pecut sederas mana pun.

ngeteh+rotibakarnganmakandtok/buliiimandmaman/cubitlastikanaksedareyangnakal/bawakbudakkecikberduerondanaekbasikal/
bukakmateterusmaenkucing/lepaknganfarid/bebelkankakmelia/kuarnganboprenmamat/rempitkerumahtok.makngah.cikli/turunjblepaknganzatinaemyangrindutapitanakngaku/bulisarahWNG123/carigaduhngansepettam/merjaukngadegeligelidengantam/bagisarahnangestaktentupasal/sklatasrooftop/turuntganukacohafiznntdiebawakjenjalan/supayamtakpedasscud/paklang/amjalmidvalley/joggingkonon/kuargpasar/rondarondapasarmalam/durian/rambutan/manggis/murtabak/charkoeyteowbertam/ngadengadedengansaddam/antaiimmamangtadika/balekstfsajecucimate/

owh. its endless.

AKUNAKBALEKMALAYSIALAWEYH