Thursday, 29 May 2008

it makes me smile, thinking of those days

i was watching the national bandcomp 2007, and my fav is the 'happy feet' part. hurm.. i am troublesome now. seems like i dont see any way out, but thats alright because there will be a way out. lets talk about band (sorry, i am mixing things up).

i spent 5 years of my life in an institution called 'band'. i have no idea why did i join it..but i guess its because i like music. i hate it so much, at first. it was all about physical, infact i called it 'military-like' training. i hate to stand in the line, which means i cannot move at all. i hate to be scolded and punished, its tiring. i simply hate it. and that was during early years of my experience. then, as time goes, i started to realize that there is more to that 'physical torture'.

i learned about time management, i learned to be on time. i learned to respect other people's time. i learned about spirit and passion, i learned about respecting others. i learned about willingness to sacrifice time, i learned to be there for others. i learned to support my teammate. i learned to listen, most importantly is to listen when other people is talking. i remember coming into the bandroom, and be completely silent when others are playing. not a sound. i repeat, not a sound. i learned new things.

i am thankful that i joined this institution-that-i-once-hate, or else i wont be like this now. the things i like is about physical thing. keeps me fit and alert. in band, there's no such thing is 'tak tau pon', 'tak dapat pass up'.. or else, abes sume kene dende. i like the team work, the spirit. how i wish i am still in the band, how i miss the practice, how i miss being in the i miss everything about it now. some will questions, why do i hang on to things in the past. my answer's simple : it is a part of me.

all in all, i am glad i learned the things i learnt. i learnt about life.

Monday, 26 May 2008

i have to apologize sbab i think i wont be able to write for another two weeks..

0900-1600: klas, library, assignment
2000-2300:drama theatre

bertahan! sampai 6 june aje..

ke garisan...(jantung berdegup kencang)
sedia...(rasa nak muntah)
'bunyik pistol'!! (focus..speed!!!!)

ya Allah, permudahkanlah setiap urusanku..semoga setiap yg dikerjakan mendekatkan aku padaMu.

Monday, 19 May 2008


1. academic: grammar, academic writing, referencing and study skill, collocation, transition signals
2. behavior: disruptive, off-task,short attention span
3. self: prioritizing, spending

1. self-check, reflect, practice writing,citing,READ MORE..
2. seat in front, clear view, fulfill maslow's hierarchy of need..(haha), jot down notes, preparation
3. reminder, differentiate needs and desire, take time to decide.

conclusion, though these problems are suffocating me, i am looking forward to improve myself. thanks for helpful friends around me, they keeps me sane.hahaha.. gudlak le ye, to semua..untuk mengstrugglekan diri bt esamen. believe in yourself! muah2..

Friday, 16 May 2008

tak nak!

saye taknak give up, even though everything seems hard at times
saye tak nak say no, to things that might seem very challenging
i refuse to stop trying, kalau pon i feel suffocated.

"esaimen, penat keje, klas, rindu"

i deny the loneliness, though my heart aches
coz i have lovely friends all around

i deny to admit that my family is far from me
coz i keep em locked in m heart

just keep swimming, be positive..
serahkan kepada Allah,
semoga segalanya dipermudahkan

Thursday, 15 May 2008

my little saddam, who is not so little anymore

there was once when we used to watch lion king. those were the days with tapes, not cds. and that part where the baboon angkat singe tuh (need to check on its name).. i think saddam was very moved by that act, and he performed it to our kucing, miki. he did the same to miki. angkat tinggi2 (kinda annoucing it to the world). but then the next act was 'rejam' miki dlm air. kantoi ngan mak plak tuh.. abes miki sejuk. sian miki. heh. yeah, he was so little,cute aje. there are a few other incidents that i can still remember but i havent got much time lately. i will write again bout that. let me put it in point so next tym i will remember.
1. saddam with good sentence structure.
2. saddam bawak itik berenang dlm kolah.

haih..saddam..saddam.. dilah mish you lah. blaja bebaek. nnt aku blanja.

Saturday, 10 May 2008


i realize that sometimes i overthink (before this, i think too much).i read somewhere that mental exhaustion leads to physical exhaustion too.
and now i am too tired for everything..thanks for this 4 days break, i am currently spending my time enjoying myself and catch some sleep, trying to relax a bit. i hope once im back in plymouth, ill be ready to start again, fresh and energetic.

mood: relax and content. always positive. hihi..muah!

Sunday, 4 May 2008


seandainya kau tangisi kematianku
dan kau sirami pusaraku dengan air matamu
maka di atas tulang-tulangku yang hancur luluh
nyalakanlah obor buat umat ini
teruskanlah perjalanan ke gerbang jaya

Kematianku adalah suatu perjalanan mendapatkan kekasih
yang sedang merinduiku
bahagialah hidupku di alam syurga
biarlah rohku terbang mendapatkan rindunya
janganlah gentar berkelana di alam abadi
nun di sana fajar memancar...

Saturday, 3 May 2008

bile budak lelaki nanges..

watching this video reminds me of myself mase f1 dulu. i cant remember exactly what made me cry, but i remember there was this one show kat dlm mufaz. pasal ape ntah. and it really touch my heart and i cried my heart out at that time. tmbah2 time tuh gelap, sbab mase tutup lampu mase isyak, so takdela malu nak nanges. owang bukan nmpak. hurm..bile bukak lampu aje, kantoi masing2 nanges. oh ya, the show was bout parents or something about family la. kan br f1, homesick masih menebal.
mase berlalu. if there is anything that moved me, or touched my heart in anyway, i will refuse to cry. i will try my best not to show my emotion. i will remain 'cool'. i was too ego to admit anything. i was too ego to cry. to cry means to loose. this foreign country, i realized so many things. i started to listen to nasyid again, (i listen to nasyid before, but i hate to admit that i listen to it..). i used to wonder, apsal my seniors yg balek uk, jadik baek. i mean, bukanla tak boleh. tp yelah kan..once u kat oversea, u get to do anything u want. mmg free abes. and yet, bile free gile mcm neh, alhamdulillah, Allah bg petunjuk. now i know the reason for my question. here in uk, where i dont have families around..these people surrounding me take good care of me. everyone become close. i like this ukhwah. rase slamat. ntah, i feel sronok to open up to them. i feel..ntah. i wish i know how to describe my feelings.
it is in this foreign country, where i need to stand up on my own 100 percent, that i learn to reflect my actions, to forgive myself. this is the foreign land where i learn to let go, to accept the fate, and to submit myself.though i found answers to some of my questions, i know i will always have em. and it is sifat manusie:pelupa. kne slalu diingatkan. and im glad, one by one of us.. started to change for the better. alhamdulillah.
smoge setiap kesedaran yg dapat kat sini will remain. Amin.

how do i tell him?

how do i tell my little brother
that the future is not what we always want it to be
how do i make him understand
that a wise people build their bright tomorrow
starting from today

how can i make him see
that i wish to go back in time and fix it,
add in some colour and clean the dirt
how can i help him to paint his next day
with rainbow and serenity
for i am not able to see my path clear
not yet

how do i make him see
that i care about him so much
and i hope the best for him

how can i make him understand
and make the most of his time today?

dedicated to:
muhammad jufri aminuddeen atan
(love you, saddam)