Monday, 28 April 2008

amelia, aiman hakim, and imran hakimi

i see my siblings as sunshine during storm. there are qualities in them that make me appreciate my life even more. during childhood, i did not see the five of us as 'close'. the different personalities (yup, every one differs from one another, silly me..hehe) that does not match. as time goes, especially during hard time, we become closer and open up to each other.

i will always remember my elder sister, Amelia as someone who is attractive. during her adolescence, she was my role model, she still is. i loved to get in her room, because i envied her for she gets a room of her own. i remember she drank kuah maggi dlm cawan, and how she used to borak with her friends kat depan umah. i think every one likes her. she has her own way to capture people's heart, especially elderly. mak cik ma loves her, mak teh sblah umah slalu igt die..i think she is the pearl. it never fail to make me smile when i think of her truancy. now i noe the reason for that. sbab die tak siap omwork, and that made her malas nak g skola. now, living away from home, i hope she's doing well kat tganu.. and semoge Allah mudahkan everything for her. her sons are the love of my life. i see her quality in them..mischevious and playful. ikot prangai ibu die la. i used not to like kids. there's this one day when i was sleeping on the couch, (baru balek fr jb, demam).. and at that time, she just gave birth to maman. i cant remember who was it who put him next me. when i woke up and see the baby sleeping peacefully beside me, it melted my heart. i fall in love with babies for the first tym. i plan to go to auckland at first, because i wanna be a secondary school teacher, but i changed my option because of this.and as time goes, and my two nephews are growing up..i wish i could see them now. i wonder what they are doing. i wish them health and happiness along the way. the sketch book i made was completed, but i do not plan to give it to them now. they are still illiterate. i will wait till they are ready, and then i will hand that in. it is in a way to say that i love them, and i think about those two little rascals in every step that i take.
mama loves both of you!

footnote: to other 3, bang met, kakmam and saddam... dont feel bad, i will write about you too. its just not the right time..or else this post will be too long, and people wont read it.

Sunday, 27 April 2008

aim high, but do not forget the ground

as time gets tough, and things seem so difficult to understand..i doubt my ability to accomplish my dreams. i think, and rethink about it. its hard to get the answers, and even i do, it is not what i want to hear. so i decided to leave it, and continue to believe in myself as i always do. i see myself as the paths to my dreams, for everything depend on me now.

" have courage for greatest sorrows of life and patience for the small ones, and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily tasks, go to sleep in peace. God id awake"
- Victor Hugo

"Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within the reach of every hand. anyone may gather it and no limit is set. Everyone can reach this love through meditation, spirit of prayer, and sacrifice, by an intense inner life."
- Mother Teresa

and this is my favourite:
"One forgives as much as one loves"
- Duc de la Rouchefoucauld

Friday, 25 April 2008

25th april, 2008.


"u know tiku,thre's always 1 thing dat never fade away from u; the way u pampered ur fren"

thanks dear. love you.

Saturday, 19 April 2008

thank you,Allah.

25th dec 2004

best2..g jenjalan kat pasar malam balek pulau. siap dapat paw kak melia belikan cd justin timberlake lagi..hehe. mlm krismas kan. mat saleh melambak kat penang. hai..penang2. napela mat saleh suke dtg penang. i wonder. awal pagi br smpai umah..biase ah. klu da bjalan. mmg tak ingat dunie.

26th dec 2004
plan nak g batu feringhi ah petang neh. lame ktrg tak mandi laut. yeeha!
breakfast-bob,si kuceng juling, lari kuar umah. isk. peningla plak...apsal ah hanger kat ampaian berayun. nape van pakteh kat depan umah cam tak stabil. rase cam tak kene ah plak. pastuh sume orang lari kuar umah. takpela. takyah g mandi laut. kte g kenduri sudah.
kenduri umah kawan abah
buletin 1.30-tsunami kat acheh
owh..kat acheh. sian derang
buletin utama
rupenyer ombak tsunami smpai kat penang. kat batu feringhi.

thats was years ago. and now, i still think about it. after that date, sometimes i dream about being in the sea,while it happen. i wonder, if we went to batu feringhi on that day, will i still be here. even i, (i consider myself as someone who is not involved with tsunami) tremble when i think about it. imagining what it feels like to be in the water, helpless. i can only hope for miracle.
so here i am, thinking about everything i have done. the countless sin that i committed. tonight, there is one thing that moves me.

surah al-a'araf, 82:
"...sesungguhnya mereka adalah orang-orang yang berpura-pura mensucikan diri"

i am afraid to get in the water. yeah, dr kecik..takot nak mandi laut. coz we dont know whats inside it. but i love to sit on the sand and adore the view. kdg2 mcm terpk, is this the same wave that leads to a catastrophic disaster, years ago. semua kuase tuhan. dtg dari Die, untuk kite.. to learn a lesson. and gunekan mase yg ade..selagi sempat. insyaAllah. amin.

Friday, 18 April 2008

theyre apart of me.

slumber party. kentut dlm selimut. tingkat 5, tingkat 6. salah course. tam line. tam sarah. tashatamtiroid.tikutamtonsil.kisah roti john. kenduri charkoeyteow. polis enfon. WNG 123. sepet. mok. pasar malam. scud. iklan colgate. duet dlm shower. peserta kagum and manager. tutup lampu mintak attention. nanges tak pasal2. makan apple ngan garam. makan nasik 2 stengah pot 2 orang aje. rangke ayam. melodi. padang. jogging pusing um 2 round. talent time. makan ngan cikyan. lepak umah cikyan. abeskan m&ms sarah. abeskan susu strawberry sarah. naek CBW sambil amek video, kering gigi. trip to ipoh. trip to seremban. trip to tganu. nanges kat KLIA. baju pink, tshirt biru, necklace love. makan kat delifrance. bersamamu.

the story about k.a.m.i

i mis em, terribly...cant wait nak balek msia n be together, again.


"promise to me..
never say youre happy, when ure sad..
never say ure fine when ure not ok..
never say u feel good when u feel bad..
never say ure alone, when im stilll alive.. :-)"

million thanks to the sender

footnote: u know who u r,
and i know u realize
hw much i need you now.
plz do not worry, ill be fine.

Tuesday, 15 April 2008


act i shud b doing m assigments now, but one of the task leads me to this 'off-task'.

we are required to make a lesson plan on any topic we like and then present it. i am forever interested in animals and i choose to do something about whale. i know some of us like dolphins for their entertaining personality but i personally love beluga whale. for me, beluga is like white fairies in the sea. and they seem pure and innocent. i wanna meet one. at least kiss one. hurm.. reading about them make me wanna involve more. so there's nothing much i could do rather than promoting nature awareness in my future students' mind, hoping they will live nature and at least lift a finger to save our world. dah2.. get to work. ttyl!

this is the white fairies in the sea. maen cak2 ngan owang plak. cute sunggoh. eeiii.. geram!

Monday, 14 April 2008

"Better In Time"

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realise that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remaind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

better in time. yeah. thats what i believe in. every pain is there, and they are real. but at least they teach you lessons. lesson on how to always get up again, most importantly. saket sket la. but thats life anyway. nope. i never regret whatever happen to me. God moves through you, and He works in miraculous way. :) cmon. lets move on. i can always survive coz i believe in myself.

Saturday, 12 April 2008

time management


i got the job. ill be workin form 6 to 8 pm, mon to fri. its not far, just walkin distance form marjon. alhamdulillah, it was easy. i search the job kat internet, and made call to apply. few days later, i was called for interview and thats is. i got it. alhamdulillah, i am thankful to Allah, for making this easy for me. now i need to manage my time wisely and be hardworking. this is because esaimen is due dah tak lame lagi, and malaysian fest is on the way too. hurm. i pray semoge dapat go thru all this and be a better person. amin.

to mak: nmpaknya ive to teach kakmam camna nak gula2 kan owang. esp.... toot! haha.

Tuesday, 8 April 2008


its 9th april today, abah's birthday. on the 14th is mak's birthday. i wish i could go back and celebrate these days with em...
tapi da takleh, nk bt camne kan. sometimes when i was down and low,
in times when i needed something to hold on to..
i find my strength in these lovely people.
i was made up of their quality.
i have mak's spirit in me.
i have abah's love in me.
i will always remember mak for the way mak buat keje.
macam lipas kudung. and i admit, since mak jadi pk hem..i am a bit jealous.
yelah, when i was at home, she'll be away at school.
its like naek pangkat has taken so much of her time. sometimes i ikot mak g skola
and i end up tlg mak bt keje from 8 to 5. now i know that time really fly.
patutla when i call mak, asking when would she be home,
and she said she'll be back at 3pm..she will be back around 5.
at first i will always siap2 nak kuar jalan kul 3,
but when this happen few times..i wudnt bother nak tergedik2 siap awal.
haha. mak klu buat keje..lupe dah ktrg kat umah.. hehe.
takdela. just kidding. i will always love to hang out with mak.
g kedai kain lah.. kailan lah..lepak kat avon pon jadik. tak kesah.
talkin bout spending time with mak, i was not use to it at first
since i spent most of my time kat skola.
so after abes spm, kan dok umah. it felt very weird. jadi tak betah.
but as time goes, i slowly adapt to that situation.
hah, one more thing i have in common ngan mak.
we can play with cats for hours. i remember how mak use
to wake me up bile kecik datang umah
(kecik is kucing blakang umah, mak amek die
sbab tamtam mati..)
punye ah susah nak umpan kecik dtg umah
sbab kecik is a stray cat, but mak manage to do it.
and kekadang bile i was very lazy to wake up..
"dilah..kecik mai neh,"
and i will automatically bangun tido and g kat pintu dapur
and find out kecik takde pon
haha..kene tipu.
hurm, yah..i got this cat-obsession
from mak..
and now everytime i call, and if kecik happens to be near
mak will lift kecik and put her near to the phone
so that i can hear kecik's voice..
skang kecik dah branak..ade 4 ekor kittens kat dlm umah
hurm..bestnyer klu bleh balek
bleh maen anak kuceng..
three months cuti before fly arituh, i dont want to work on purpose.
sbab sesaje nak spend time ngan family. in fact i spent it to the fullest.
mcm spend time abes. takde keje..bodek abah mintak bawak g jenjalan.
pastuh, tunggu mak balek skola. g jenjalan lagi. dpt g umah tok pon jadilah.
its not that i am not able to visit tok or mak ngan or makcik on my own..
tapi feeling dpt lepak ngan mak, abah and family tuh cam really a bless for me.
this is because before this tak dpt opportunity like this.
g jalan ngan abah pon best. lepak2 courts mammoth kat sp.
.or g tgk sluar or baju giordano kat pacific.
abah really got a taste in clothing. sbab abah, owangnyer mmg pengemas.
lipat baju 'bertulang'. u shud look at how abah cuci lantai.
owh, ya. activity yang paling seronok ngan abah is....cuci umah.
huh. mule2 g beli brg2 nak cuci umah. detergent and stuff.
lepas tuh..apa lagi, maen air..cuci lantai, cuci toilet..gosok carpet.
hurm..i wish i have abah's talent in ironing.
bile abah ironkan baju kurung nak g kenduri..
nak duduk pon rase bersalah, sbab its too neat.
since abah tak keje dah skarang..i think he does every ironing at home.
smoge abah sronok dok umah. haih..apsal la lambat lagi nak balek.
bleh tak nak join seniors balek ujong taun neh?
nak ganti tempat derang ah. nak balek!! wawawawa..
besok mesti derang makan kek kat umah. tak pon kuar makan.
or makan sesedap kat umah, sbab abah kene jage makan skang. hurm..rindu!!!
i am so thankful for having the opportunity to grow up in love and care,
to have a chance to know what is love. this is the kind of love that lifts me up.
no matter how terrible i was, or i am, or might be..
my family is the one i can count on to. because they are apart of me.
wish to write more, but i cant. im gettin too emotional now. da~

psst: abah, mak..have a wonderful birthday, and i appreciate what uve done for me all this while. there is no way i can pay it back. ure carved in my heart. love you lots!