Wanita yang aku cintai

Surat puitis:
Kehadapan Mak,
Andainya anakanda diberi peluang untuk memilih, pastinya anakanda akan memilih untuk selamanya dekat dengan mak. Kerna hidup ini terlalu sukar tanpa insan yang melahirkan. Pengalaman pertama kali hidup sendiri di asrama memang perit kerana terlalu biasa bergantung segala-galanya dengan mak. Saat yang paling getir hidup tanpa mak, mestilah di saat kekurangan ongkos...hehe. Itu sangat la betul. Anakanda minta maaf, atas keborosan anakanda yang melampau. Masih tersimpan kemas dalam ingatan, sewaktu mak menggunakan duit yang mak simpan untuk menunaikan haji untuk perbelanjaan visa anakanda. Sekali lagi, ampunkan anakanda kerana curi-curi melihat jumlah simpanan mak, kerana waktu itu..hati anakanda bagai disentap. Jantung bagaikan terhenti seketika, melihatkan tidak ada sedikit pun perubahan air muka mak sewaktu anakanda mengutarakan perihal wang untuk visa. Sedari detik itu, (walaupun anakanda masih boros), jikalau mampu...akan anakanda bahagiakan mak walau apapun.
Semasa anakanda kehilangan buku nota muzik (kerana kelalaian anakanda sendiri), mak berjaga malam itu untuk mencari buku nota. Padahal anakanda nyenyak dibuai mimpi. Hanya kerana anakanda marah2 kerana tersalah letak buku nota.
Pengorbanan seorang ibu yang tiada tolok bandingnya, membuatkan hati merasa ingin terbang kembali ke sisimu, untuk sekali lagi mencipta memori bersama.

Surat cool,
Everdearest my supercool mum, who stays cute whatever she does...
Here i am, tapping on my keyboard while my mind wonders in the silence of the night, embracing the warmth of your touch. Dear mum, i will never forget the way you watch hindustan, which always distract me when it comes towards the ending. I just know that you will shed tears, no matter how happy, or how predictable the ending is. I knew it! told ya! I dont really like it when you have 'Biggles' in your hand, or any kind of books. Cause suddenly i become invisible though i am in front you. But i hope you know, that i really enjoy my time with you. Especially when we have cats with us. Its like, its only just the two of us, lost in our own world (with the cat of course). I dont mind to wait for you to come home from school, though i have to wait two hours..just to go to town. Just to walk around the shop, and of course buy something.

Surat dari hati,
Dear Mak,
Kak takkan lupa 14th April, and your 'AJ Aries' necklace. Isk. cepatla december, bleh kita p jenjalan tgk pinggan mangkuk, or lepak2 kan mak? On your birthday, i wish you sentiasa dalam lindungan Allah, dan dimudahkan segala urusan. Semoga mak sentiasa tenang dan sihat sejahtera. Supaya kita boleh jumpa lagi! Nanti mak p mekah, jgn lupa doakan kak tau. (bab doa, nnt kita cita dlm fon..hehe).

All in all, wishing you a happy birthday. nanti sampai la tuh kad. Nnt kite belek royal albert!! huahuahua...cant wait. take care mak. i love you. Assalamualaikum.

Abang Maman...nah.

Maen papan gelongsorNaek trekta tipu2...

Nah abang maman, mama dah upload due video untuk abang maman tgk ngan im. Lagi satu video dlm kereta suruh mummy check kat email die. Okeh, jgn maen lilin. Imran jgn cr pasal ngan mummy, nnt die dah nk pindah Putrajaya. Im rindu die baru tawu. Tata~~ I love you.

K.A.M.I

Deskripsi gamba

Gamba atas: Sarah.

Gamba bawah:
Berspek mata: Tasha.
Yang lagi satu mestilah Mazlinda Adnan @ Nan.

Kisah 1.

Line: ha, ckp pasal rooftop, arineh xp lagi tgk blog ank.
Dilah: Lah, bukan aku update papa pon.
Line: La..bukan kira update.
Dilah: Ha! Mesti ank rindu nk tgk gambaq aku kan.
(Line gelak2 malu…malu nk ngaku rindu).

Ini adalah kawan saya, namanya Mazlinda. Dia selalu rindu saya tapi dia tanak mengaku. Kdg2 bila saya demam dia akan potongkan buah epal, letak dlm mangkuk dan bawak ke bilik saya (dulu2 la, masa kat IPBA). Selepas itu, dia akan letakkan buah epal tersebut di atas meja saya. Apabila saya bertanyakan Mazlinda perihal potongan epal tersebut….

Dilah: Line, neh utk aku ka? (Mulut dimuncungkan menghala ke arah potongan buah epal dlm mangkuk). Baeknya ank…tak sangka ank kesian kat aku jgak.
Line: la, sapa bawak kat ank. Aku saja mai nk tayang. Neh aku punya.
(Lalu Mazlinda akan membiarkan sahaja buah epal tersebut di atas meja,buat muka kering dan berlalu naek ke biliknya di tingkat 6. Perhatian: Bilik saya di tingkat 5).

Kini saya sedar bahawa Line a.k.a Mazlinda menyayangi saya. Buktinya, beliau menitiskan air mata sewaktu saya mahu berangkat ke England. Ecewah, bunyi mcm zaman PRamlee lah. Lalu saya bertanyakan Line...

Dilah: Line...hang sayang aku dak?
Line: (dengan linangan air mata, dan menahan sebak di dada) Ya...ya, aku sayang hang.
Dilah: Yes! Akhirnya hang mengaku. (Awatif Adilah tersenyum dengan hati berbunga, kerana akhirnya Line mengaku!)

Kisah 2.
Saya ada kawan. Nama kawan saya Tasha. Tasha sekarang gedik sebab dia ada bopren. Saya tak sabar nk balek tgk dia gedik2. Sebab sy nk join gedik2 ngan Tasha. Berbeza dengan Mazlinda, setiap kali saya telefon Tasha:

Tiku: Tam, aku rindu ko neh. Nak balek! Nak balek!
Tasha: Tam, ko balek la cepat. Nape ko lambat aje balek. Balek la tam. Balek la.
Tiku: kalau ade pintu Doraemon, skang jgak aku balek. Aku rindu ko. Wawawawa.

ataupun

Tasha: Tam, taun depan kita kagum last. Taun neh aku tak besa la kagum ko takde. Ini first kagum olahraga ko takde tau.
Tiku: ko jgn nk buat pasal mase hari Kagum ko nak nanges2 kat aku mcm last year eh. (Sy risau, sbab nnt saye sebak).
Tasha: Ko dok sane jgn nk gemok2 eh. Ko kene jugak lari. Aku tak sabar nk gelakkan ko.
Tiku: Ceh, nk aku lari sbab nk gelakkan aku baek tak payah.

Saya dan Tasha akan mengaku bahawa kami saling merindu. Kadangkala kami akan berduet lagi Quest yang saya dah lupa tajuknya. Tasha seorang minah rempit. Namun, tahun lepas, Tasha jatuh motor dengan Hana depan Amjal. Untuk pengetahuan semua, Amjal merupakan restoran yang terletak di junction depan IPBA, iaitu tempat tumpuan orang ramai. Baru-baru ini Tasha telah memenangi anugerah Oscar pelakon wanita terbaik. Untuk cerita lebih lanjut, jangan tanya saya. Juga jangan tanya Anjut a.k.a. Mejah budak French tuh, sebab dia tak tahu menahu perihal ini.
Mak Tasha merupaka tukang masak yang handal. Pernah suatu hari, saya berbuka puasa berdua bersama Tasha. Mak Tasha bekalkan Tasha dengan 'lauk ikan bilis tak tahu tajuk die' yang sangat pedas. Namun, kerana terlalu sedap, saya yang tak makan pedas langsung menjamah hidangan itu dengan sangat berselera. Saya dan Tasha juga menghabiskan nasi 2 setengah pot. Sudahnya, kami tersadai tak pegi semayang Terawih. Semayang Maghrib juga kami tersiksa kerana susah nk rukuk akibat perut yang sengkak.

Kisah 3.
Sarah, mmg nama sebenar, merupakan kawan saya yang mempunyai masalah tidur. Dia seorang yang susah tidur. Namun bila die tidur, dia susah pulak nk bangun. Dia juga jakun bila naek moto. Bile Sarah merempit dengan Tasha, Sarah akan record video sepanjang perjalanan. Hal ini merisaukan saya, bukan kerana saya takut dia jatuh motor, tetapi saya takut gigi dan gusinya tak cukup saliva kerana kering disapa angin malam. Hal ini kerana Sarah akan amek video sambil tersengih2. Ini adalah signifikan kerana Sarah ingin menunjukkan video itu dengan perasaan bangga kepada saya. Ini merupakan kesinambungan kisah saya amek video semasa membonceng motosikal Tasha. (sebenarnya, mula2 Sarah amek video nak tunjuk kat tiku. Pastuh Tiku amek video nak tunjuk kat Sarah). Masing2 amek video bila membonceng motosikal Tasha. Perhatian untuk semua, jangan habiskan Yoghurt drink Sarah semasa dia tido, jikalau anda tidak mahu dimarahi Cik Yan. Tapi boleh dilakukan jika anda mahukan air yoghurt tersebut. Hal ini kerana apabila Sarah merajuk (sebab anda habiska air yoghurt), cik Yan akan membelikan air yoghurt yang baru untuk Sarah. Anda boleh gunakan kuasa memujuk untuk tumpang minum air yoghurt yang baru. Juga boleh digeneralize untuk smarties.
Sewaktu berjauhan seperti sekarang, Sarah sering mengajak saya dan Mazlinda untuk buat conference. Saya dan Mazlinda selalunya bersetuju. Setelah beberapa line kami berbual, selalunya Sarah akan meminta diri kerana itulah, inilah. Akhirnya, saya akan conference dengan Mazlinda. Kami rasa comel kerana ber-conference berdua.
Sarah juga sangat senang menitiskan air mata. Jika anda ingin menyaksikannya, apabila anda berjumpa Sarah...utarakan ayat ini:

Anda: Sarah2...you ingat tak pakcik jual otak2?

Anda ingin tahu kenapa? Kerana Sarah kesiankan pakcik yang jual otak2 di pasar malam Kerinchi, kerana pakcik itu sudah tua dan nda ada owang beli otak2nya. lalu, Sarah akan beli dari mana2 penjual yang tiada pembeli, walaupun kadangkala kita maklum bahawa....bukannya dia takde owang nk beli. Mungkin owang2 yg nak beli otak2 belum datang!

Kami berempat akan buat roadtrip! Yeay! 9 months to go. Huahuahua.
Sarah merupakan antara orang yg excited untuk road trip ini (selain kami bertiga: Tiku, Tasha,Line), kerana dia teringin nk naek bas dan keretapi. Sarah mmg comel.
Ba ok lah. Saket kepala sudah.
Assalamualaikum.

Zaman dolu2...

From Left: Nadhirah, Awatif, Izzati, Hana










From left: Syazana, Awatif, Nabilah










Assalamualaikum. This is the second day saya tak keja, so sangat pening kapla. Sbab sy tatawu nk buat ape. ttbe bosan maen selendang lah, pegi mandi lah. hapelah. But now, mari kite ngeteh sambil kenang zaman kanak2 ribena dan zaman sekarang. (saya buhsan kan, apa lagi, mari blogging).

Zaman dolu2

1. Sy paling suka bday. Oleh itu, sy akan menjemput kawan2 ke majlis hari jadi sy pada 13 hb lapan, walaupun terpaksa menggelabahkan mak dan kakak sebab ttba aja sy bgtau sy dah jemput kengkwan sempena bday saya. lalu mereka terpaksa buat persiapan on the spot.

2. Hobi masa dolu2: panjat bumbung dan lepak2 atas bumbung walaupun hari tgh rembang (maknanya...tengahari buta). Balek skola, terus panjat bumbung umah, lepak2. Penah berangan nk suh abah buat satu bilek kat atas utk saya. Seronok bila boleh panjat dari rumah sendri, tapi turun kat rumah owang laen. Tapi skarang dah tak mampu, sebab sy gayat. Oh ya, saya juga suka panjat pokok. Pokok janggus depan umah tuh, slalu sangat sy panjat. Pasang pelita la, teropong owang balek smayang terawih la. Tapi pokok tuh ada kerengga. Penah jatuh dr pokok tuh, straight masuk dlm longkang.

3. Tak suka pergi tadika sebab buku kerja time tadika senang sangat. Lagipun makanan kat tadika pedas, tak bleh makan. tak tahan.

4. Suke makan sayur petola, kueh ayu botak (kelapa yang kat bahagian atas dibuang), dan karipap takdak inti. maktok,pengasuh sy, akan asingkan kueh2 yang dia buat untuk saya. semua kueh untuk sy akan dipersonalize. maktok juga pandai masak. sebab tuh sy gemok mase kecik2...(skarang pn sy rs mcm zaman kecik2 sbab sy gemok). Tapi kalau duduk ngan maktok, tak boleh kuar umah. Oleh itu, bila maktok ttdo time tgk hindustan, sy akan kuar dan g maen congkak (yang lubangnya dikorek sendri di atas tanah, dan guna biji getah untuk 'guli') sampai petang. Bila mak balek baru sy berani menjengulkan kepala ke rumah maktok kembali. Kalau tak nnt maktok marah.

5. Almost everynight akan ikot abah g beli ubat nyamok kat kedai 'traffic light', dekat on the way to SMKA al-Irshad. Bila balek, akan bawak air kotak dan kacang tumbuk. Namun apabila kakmam yang ikot abah pegi beli ubat nyamuk, dia akan balek dengan tangan kosong. Begitu juga apabila saya ajak abah g jenjalan ke Sungai Petani. Selalunya pujukan saya berhasil. Pujukan kakmam tak menjadi...haha. Oleh itu, kakmam akan suruh sy pujuk abah kalau die yg nk pegi berjalan2.

6. akan pusing satu taman kalau maen rollerblade. Termasuk la kedai mamak. Walaupun setiap kali mamak akan biseng sbab pakai rollerblade masuk kedai die sbab die takut barang pecah, sy akan teruskan aje. Buat muke kering dan beli aje pape, pastuh kuar la kan. Bile besar sket, saya suka bawak kuceng sy pegi kedai mamak pulak. Selalunya ok aja, tapi ada sekali ttba kuceng saya bercakaran dengan kuceng di kedai mama. Mana saya tau mamak ttbe ade kuceng. Slame neh tak penah2 mamak tuh bela kuceng.

7. Menghadapi masalah tido seminggu bila tamtam mati sebab sy rasa kehilangan yang amat sangat. Sbab time tuh cuti before fly (eh, ini bukan cerita zaman kanak2 neh), and sy takde kawan. Sy mmg kawan ngan tamtam. Bile die mati sy lost. So abah carikan kuceng baru tapi tak berhasil sbab sy nk anak kuceng. Setelah beberapa lama, mak berjaya mengumpan kuceng liar kat blakang umah untuk dijadikan pengganti tamtam. Alhamdulillah sy dah jadi nenek. Tapi kuceng2 tuh still panggil saya 'mama'.

Zaman sekarang

1. Saya masih suka bday. Bila august aja, rasa bahagia walaupun bday hanya pada 13hb sbab sy rasa bday sy mcm sebulan. Setiap bulan saya akan ada list hadiah yg sy nak. Hadiah pada tahun ini yg saya nak ialah lotion, hand cream, smarties,clementine, roasted seaweed...blabla. senarai hadiah akan berubah2.

2. Sy guna pensel kayu. Sy tak suka pensil mekanikal. Bosan sbab tak classic and tak bleh asah.

3. . Sy semakin pandai makan cili padi, dan makanan pedas. Tapi selalunya akan ke toilet beberapa hari.

4. Semakin hari semakin banyak lirik lagu yang saya nyanyikan dengan salah. Hal ini dimaklumi kawan2 serumah. Oleh itu, sy redha.

5. Color obsession terhadap warna biru alhamdulillah sudah semakin pulih. Lebih banyak menggunakan kaler2 laen. Obsesi terhadap penggunaan telefon juga semakin pulih. Ini sangat menggembirakan saya kerana bil telefon tidak lagi melambung.

6. Sy dah tak pandai maen rollerblade. Sy sedar kini, usia saya semakin meningkat.


dah ah. bosan ah. nk tido lah. bubbye! Take care semua.
psst:Jgn nenakal.

on y va!

INTRODUCTION

21st March 2009,If you were given a chance to re-visit your childhood (not your childhood sweetheart yah), would you take the chance? I already did.

BACK TO CHILDHOOD
~I went to the paddy field and i saw me riding Enon (the cow). This time i only stroke a pregnant donkey.
~ I slid down the slid, this time its bumpy and colourful. Not mentioning the height. And i cannot see my house from this playground.
~ i picnic in the sun, this time around its not Pantai Merdeka. Its such a long long distance from there.
~ i sang in the car, but not with my normal siblings. Its my brand new so-called siblings. haha.
~ i didnt go to Pesta Penang, but its Woodlands Leisure park!














WOODLANDS LEISURE PARK
It is meant for children, but since we paid. Layankan aje la kan. But i made sure that i didnt ride anything that involves spinning. Klu naek jugak, abes lembik ah saye muntah. I remembered when i went to Pesta Penang, naek Top Gun. The one that will hang you upside down. Turun aje, muntah2. Muntah smpy lembik. Trus balek umah. sampy now, i am not gonna do that again. Azab weyh. In Manchester last year, saye jadi mak. Tukang jage beg and amek gamba anak2 sy yg bermain segale macam permainan itu. Nk buat camne, nasib badan. Back to Woodlands Leisure park, everything's fine. Naek tractor, and i drove it. (tipu..sbnanyer die dah ade rail). And i stroke a pig. Eh, no. Keldai. G tgk aje 'Napoleon' tuh. Mane bleh pegang la. Kang kne cr air tanah plak.Itu pn tak masuk btol2 dlm kandang tuh. Br nak masuk, dah nk muntah. Mane taknyer, i was curious to know how pig smells like, and i inhale mase nk masuk dlm tempat tuh. Trus nk muntah. Trus kuar naek tractor. Laenkali takyah gedik nk bau 'Napoleon'.




THE PICNIC
we had bihun ape ntah, potato salad..owh so-good. and inviting ayam made by amira. sume pn gaduh tanak isi bodoh ayam. abes last2 tiku gak yg melantak isi bodoh ayam. siap ade byk plak tuh isi bodohnya. takpe. i loike! i seriously feel the heat. mmg panas smlm. Mmg takleh tanggal sunglass. bukan nk gedik tp sbab jarang nk dapat matahari, jadik silau. tapi sy bersyukur, kerana sepanjang minggu neh...matahari sudi menjenguk kami. alhamdulillah. Sorry kawan2...kite makan gune tangan. Bagus...kita berkongsi enzim di jari. ahaha. sbab tiku lupe bawak sudu and garpu. patut la 'mesra' aje. ahaha. ini lagi satu makanan berhantu. sape ntah masak. tiku makan 2 pinggan. huish. berhantu betul.





Belajar berjalan care Amira.













Left:tolak tiku jatuh laut

















Right: Tukang masak & Tukang makan.












DAWLISH
Owh,,,inilah Dawlish ghupenyer. slame neh tgk dr dalam ketapi aje. mmg teringin nk pegi. Best2. tapi cantek lagi pantai kat Msia la kan. tp oklah, bleh g amek2 gamba dan amek gamba lagi. Ktrg mmg focus kali ini. Pergi ke Dawlish dgn satu tujuan: amek gamba. and ktrg mmg btol2 amek gamba. ha kau. nk sangat cam-whore. dah. mission accomplished. The best part: Blanje kawan2 makan aiskrem...dan menghabiskan aiskrim2 yg kawan2 tak larat abeskan. walaupun mule2 kite blanje kawan dan kite yg abeskan aiskrim, kite ttp nmpak angelic sbab kite yg blanje. Tapi ape yg tak best...abang jual eskrem muke malas nk layan. Mungkin die bengang kene keje weekend, mase sunny day. Sbab die nk g pantai ngan gf die ke. or, die mmg malas nk keje. Or...ape2 lah. bukan saye yg bayar gaji die. Banyak sungguh si comel2 yg berjalan ngan tuan masing2. setiap kali si comel lalu, ktrg sume automatic jadi patung. chuak. Dulu penah 'hai' si comel, skali die terlebih friendly, die kejar la plak. Sy bertaubat tanak friendly ngan si comel lagi dah.










Tiku br beli keta. (tipu).
















Di mana ade camera, di situ ada kami semua.









IN THE CAR
Sangkaan sume owang meleset..termasuklah sangkaan tiku. Sy bukan owang yg pertama tido dlm keta. The award goes to --> Nadhirah Azman! yeah!. Berjaye menahan mate. tp logik la, sbab cerah lagi mase nk balek though dah pukul 6 lebey. Lupe...rupenyer dah spring. Arituh g Bath logic la tido kan. kul 4 dah malam. Tiku tak bersalah. Lastly, enjoy the bumpy ride~~. Tata! ill see you next time. Dah semakin busy. Ecewah. Assalamualaikum and have a great day!

Khaled Hosseini's and reasons.

This time around, my post relates to the title. (It normally is, but you have to think why it the title and the post doesnt seem to connect directly).

I am not much a reader. Not a bookworm. But this one: my all time fav, everygreen tau. I really like this part:

Mullah Faizullah admitted to Mariam that, at times, he did not understand the meaning of the Koran's words. But he said he liked the enchating sounds the arabic words made as they rolled off his tongue. He said that they comforted him, eased his heart. "They'll comfort you too, Mariam jo" he said. "You can summon them in your time of need, and they wont fail you. Gods's words will never betray you, my girl."

Khaled Hosseini

that was months ago. And dont believe it is true. However i cant tell much about it until recently...

The actual sounds of the language of the Quran - the breathtaking rhythms and words - are like medicine. From the perspective of energy dynamics, every substance has a resonance at a specific wavelength. A medicine resonates in order to cure the disease. So too the sounds of Quran.

Hamza Yusuf

psst: indah, bukan? mari kita coba.

datin orked abdullah

Clock's showing 02.35 and its pass my bedtime already. Just a quick note. Here are pictures for all. Its non-chronological. Randomly selected. 9months to go. Seems just a short time, but for people i am missing, IT IS SUCH A LONG TIME. kalau mengandung pn sempat branak tau. Dilah ok kat sini. Safe and sound. Happy, content and relax. Duet tak byk, tapi alhamdulillah suma cukup.
psst: Imran, jgnla buatkan keje skola maman. Nnt balek mama bace buku cite. Atas tuh bukan kuceng mama, kuceng angkat aje. Tp die gebu mcm abang maman la. Jgn bagi maktok mrajuk lagi tau! Mak: takpa la, nnt kak yg tunggu mak balek. terbalek court plak. Kakmelia: ya lah, klu takdak owang sambut, aku balek naek taxi. Brg2 nnt aku mintak pakcik taxi yg angkatkan. tapi aku yakin ank mesti tak sabaq aku balek kan...nk hadiah le tuh....wahahaha. ok2. pinggan mangkuk. terbukti anda perempuan.

ape yg penting? Kerjasama!!

in yellow: aiman hakim.
caption: pose2...mama nk snap picture.

in red: imran hakimi.
caption: siap ah, lepas mama snap, aku nanges kuat2. owang nk maen camera mama tak kasik.

mama: abang maman buat ape neh? abang maman rindu mama tak?
maman: rindu. seribu juta kali. tgh tgk tv, tggu nk tgk wonderpets.
mama: owh...mama pn rindu maman jugak! mama takleh tgk wonderpets. mama takde tv.
maman: abes arituh mama nyanyi lagu wonderpets, mama tgk kat mane?
mama: mama tgk kat internet la. iim kan mandi kolam. apsal abang maman tak g mandi kolam? g la mandi kolam. g mandi g.

tutt. the other party ended the call. and i called back. talked to mak. and mak said maman is already with imran, mandi kolam. and he asked for laptop, nk tgk wonderpets kat internet.
tp bukan td die kate nk tgk wonderpets kat tv ke?

jambatan tamparuli

Membilang hari. Penantian satu penyeksaan. Namun fikiran ini menenangkan hatiku : The world is the bridge to the Afterworld. Walk on it, but dont try to build on it. Sedarlah wahai hati, hidup terlalu singkat untuk diratapi. Terlalu sekejap untuk diamati indah pelangi. Walau apapun, persoalan hati jangan diselubungi emosi, kerna hati yang mengawal semuanya. Persoalan takwa, iman, segalanya dipersoalkan dari ketulusan hati. Saya bukanlah seorang yang sempurna serba serbi. Banyak yang masih perlu perbetulkan. Saya masih butuh bimbingan ilmuwan sekeliling. Akan saya gagahkan hari-hari yang berlalu. :) InsyaAllah. Amin.

Yeay! Umah dah ade tenet

Sape yg rase aku tak up-to-date sbab umah aku br nk gune broadband...erm...takpelah. ntah2 takde sape pn rs camtuh. Okeh. Malas nk ckp panjang, sempena meraikan kegembiraan ini, mari kita view gamba2 tiku. Gamba ini bertajuk Birthday Kami semua di Plymouth. Khas untuk tatapan keluarga nun jauh di Penang.
Imran, mama tak demam. And slama mama dok sini, mama tak penah masuk hospital. Simpankanlah 'sesuatu' untuk mama.

saat ujian bertimpa-timpa

Saat ujian datang melanda, berduyun-duyun menimpa...janganlah Kau turunkan putus asa buatku. Tatkala hati sebak merintih, mengenang hari-hari lampau..memikirkan hari mendatang, kuatkan peganganku pada agamaMu. Setiap ujian yang kau turunkan buat hambaMu ini, moga dapat mensucikan hatiku. Moga dapat melunakkan jiwaku. Segalanya terlalu pedih, sangat kerdil aku rasakan. Ya Allah. Kuatkan hatiku, tabahkan jiwaku. Jangan kau wujudkan putus asa dalam hatiku, kerna aku sedar RahmatMu terlalu besar. Ya Allah. Bantulah hambaMu ini. Kudratku terlalu lemah, hatiku terlalu gundah.

Saddam Hussein

sejak kebelakangan ini, hati sarat menanggung rindu. 12 Mac 2009, tarikh penting utk si kecik saddam yg nk dapat result besok. I dont wanna be puitis or whatsoever tonight...This is how i speak to him. This is for Saddam.

Assalamualaikum,
Dear Saddam,
So, mak bgtau aku besok ank dapat result. amacam...chuak? i actually forgot about it, tp td ttba teringat tarikh besok. Sebab ank tukaq no fon...and i havent had the chance to ask kakmam for your new number(...and yes, new fon! ) so i am writing this khas untuk adik aku yg tak kecik mana. well, aku ada satu adik ja pn kan. First and foremost, bagusla bg fon jatuh gaung, dapat fon baru. syok la kan? bagus2...tapi persoalannya, apsal tak bagi aku fon no baru? owho...nk lari dari leteran aku ya! ceh...dont worry, ill find my way to get to you.
know what saddam, tonight my heart reaches out for you. lately aku sangat malas nk buat kerja. sangat2 malas. tapi malam neh, thinking of you, teringat masa ank dpt result pmr dlu. mcmana ank berlakon depan arwah abah. mmg jadi. satu family pn cam tak percaya kan. hehe. bukan la apa...abes ank kan manja. even smpy now, dah la ank dok umah, duet berkepuk2...konon dah boleh drive..but we still see you as our adik kecik. sebab kalau boleh, aku taknak adik aku yg neh membesar. Ok fine. panjang sgt mukadimahnya.
Honestly, straight from the heart, i care for you. its just that i dont show it. That is why i ask kakmam to give you duet, so you can experience life after SPM the way you want it to. Buat dear Saddam, please bear in mind, the freedom that our family give you doesnt mean you can do everything sewenang2nya..okeh? Ada yg baek, ada yg buruk, and I think you know family kita tak strict. Sbab family believe that you distinguish between the good and the bad, sbab tu la you get the freedom.Yes, you may choose the path that you want to follow, kan? Kakak2 suma depend on you now. That is why you get your driving licence dulu dari kakmam and aku, sebab ktrg suma harapkan ank to take care of us. Big responsibility there dear. wahai budak kecik, even aku mcm kakak yg tak best, yg asek nk check your whereabouts after 12pm..(haah.ank mcm cinderella, aku kakak tiri), i hope you know...that whatever happens, i am here for you. Bukan bermaksud nk nag you spy balek umah tepat pukul 12, tapi hope si saddam yg ktrg suma syg neh paham, dalam umah tu ramai perempuan. Bahaya kan biaq kakak2 and mak dlm umah mcm tuh. Bukan bermaksud nk pk yg buruk..just being cautious. Check gate, check sliding door sume dah lock ke belom. Check tingkap2...kire kuceng aku cukup tak dlm umah. Make sure ibu kuceng tuh ada ngan anak2 dia. Tolong sama check suma keta2..tingkap tutup full ke tak. Pendek kata, keselamatan family is part of your responsibility now. If you need someone to talk to, just about anything, come and find me. I know you tell me bout your girlfriends la ape lah..and family tak object pn nk ade girlfriend kan. Tapi..ha, ade tapinyer lagi neh. Tapi, kene tawu la kan kita kat mana. Study semua jgn smpy lingkup ye... Send me sms, and ill call straightaway if possible. Just dont put these words " Dilah, call umah jap. Urgent". These make my heart stop. As years gone by, you grew up before my eyes (wah..ayat seorang ibulah!) Now the time has come for you to sail away from home but i love you the same anyway. Sorry that you dont get to share tomorrow with arwah abah, but thats ok kan. He is in our hearts. Kalau rindu2 arwah abah tuh, jgn lupa hadiahkan al-fatihah tau. Sometimes life seems hard for me here, aku bukan kuat mana pn. Konon nampak tough, tapi hati sangat lembut tau! hahahaha. Gelakkan la...gelak. Tapi apa yg penting, semayang jangan tinggal, buat apa pn, ingat Allah. I hope to include you picture here, tapi picture tuh masa kat airport dlu. Gambaq arwah abah ada, so aku belom kuat nk tgk gambaq2 tuh balek. Nnt la dah kuat sket, aku crop. hehe.
Hows kawan2 yg slalu lepak umah? still melepak kat bawah pokok janggus? owh, lupa...langkah dah makin panjang. Skarang lepak minum teh kat embun plak ea? lepak la smpy lebam. Jgn merepek yg bukan2 sudah. Oklah saddam. rindulah. nk buat esaimen plak. owang dah jalan laju, aku br nk start. Aku doakan ank dpt yg terbaik. Dapat result nnt ziarah la kubur arwah abah.
Take care saddam busyuk. Assalamualaikum. I love you.

Dilah

i spoiled my first time

It was 19^th Feb 2009. Or maybe it was last July in the year 2008.

I was dragging my feet to work lately. It has been a long time working as a cleaner for me. Or at least I feel like it has been. So I took 2 days off, because I plan to go to Young Entrepreneur conference at Eden, and helping my friend with her project at the Barbican. Things change at a short notice , I cannot undo my day off so I proceed with it. I was thankful though for having sometime to myself. Not only have I had 2 days off at work, but also 2 days off from class and lectures.

I attended the Yassin recitation at a friend’s house. It was my first time really. I was excited, that I burned my flapjack. I had to do it second round. But it was easy-peasy.

It started normal, like we normally did at Musolla. Started with selawat, and al-fatihah and stuffs. I opened the page, I saw people forming circles. I recognize the faces around. I saw someone sitting on the moo, I saw all girls bending their heads down, eyes following Arabic letters horizontally, mouth reciting it faithfully. All focused. The air was cold, as the window was opened. I feel cold. The sound buzzed in my ears. I started to follow. Then I stopped.

I looked around. The morning seemed quite. I saw the fluffy white fur of that creature which sat on the wooden platform erected in the middle of red earth. The creature meows. It looked at me, and I looked at it. ‘Thank you’, I murmured. Thank you for keeping him company. Thanks for staying with him, all these while when I couldn’t come. I was not clean yet.

I searched for the mat for me to sit. I like the white kurung I wore that day. With my white head scarf. I tried to dress as nice as possible, as presentable as I can. I brought along my favourite read, that blue book, quite heavy. I opened it to 903. My emotion did not tremble, at least not yet. I visited the journey that I experience, without sleeping, without the ability to swallow food. My mind focused on many things, how ironic. The brain failed to recognize my basic needs. I don’t feel tired, that’s why I cant sleep. The brain failed to search to ‘hunger’ cable. So I rejected food. I looked at the letters. The letter Ya, with the duck-like shaped. And the letter ‘Sin’, a beautiful letter for me. I like the way it was painted with the last curve longer and heavier than the other two curves. Pretty.

Here I am, the first time in days, coming to tell you that I am back. That I am thankful to have you in my life, to have an ample time with you to at least let you know that I love you. This is my first gift to you, promising that other gifts will follow. I know our bond did not end, as mom’s bond with you end with your last breath. Didn’t you know that I was a part of mom? Yes, of course you know. Do you hear my heart? If you don’t, He listens and He knows. So I proceed. One by one line recited, with the trembling hands, accompanied by flow of tears. Flooded the two wells. Moistened the Holy page. I felt that each and every word was the bridge between us. I spoke to you as I recited those magical words. I pour my heart out, telling you how I felt, how I missed you but couldn’t find you anywhere.

Before I knew it, it was the last line. The hardest part was coming to the last line. Its hard to end this conversation. Dad, I have come a long way, to find you not waiting for me. Dad, I have come all the way down to find your grave, without the last chance even to catch you last view. I know, He has greater plan for me. Maybe something better. Dad, I want to be a good and filial servant, so my prayer reaches you.

The atmosphere was very different. I clutches the Holy Quran. Hold it tight to my chest. If I could, I wanted to bury it in my heart, so I have all the words ready to sooth me in times of need. I cant stop my eyes welling now. I am going to break down. Therefore I withdraw myself, feeling guilty for spoiling my first time. I withdraw myself and prostrate, for “seek patience with prayer”. The two rakaats wouldn’t seem enough to pour it all out. But He knows. He knows everything that I hide.