23th June 2008
i could be sure of my feelings. bercampur baur. when i got back from work, aku tak sabar2 nk smayang. tatawula nape. that day, the pray took me quite a long time coz i pour my heart out to Him. i didnt know what i rambled. finished praying, i didnt feel released. I stretched my hands for the Holy Quran, that blue one that i always love and began reciting it. after a few line, tears started running down my cheeks. How weird, coz i dont know what i was crying for. i continued reciting for a long time coz i could stop. i just could not stop. i went to bed in tears. still, i could not find the reason for my breakdown.
24th June 2008
i woke up feeling worried. i had butterflies in my stomach all the time. i just continue my day as usual. one thing about this morning was i laughed my heart out. me and my housemates were laughing at Nad for an incident that day. i dont normally laughed my heart out like that, i mean i did, but not whole-heartedly because i just didnt feel like it. This day was different though. Something popped out my mind : "eh, Tiku, nape ko gelak happy sangat neh, karang nk nanges kot..." i dont believe when ppl say, lepas gelak, ko akan nanges. then i made my way to the gym for i wanted to register to become member. i almost forgot my handphone but i had the feelings that i need the phone that day. so i went back and took my phone. i had my to do list in my hand because this day would be a busy one for me. i had many things to settle. i went to the gym but i didnt register..or did i? hurm. i forgot. i didnt think i registered. when i walked back to the main reception, there's a message alert. hurm. sape ye.. Bangmet: "dilah, call umah sat. urgent." you see, my brother is a serious type. he would not message me without any reason. the word urgent stopped my heart beat.i hope my family were playing prank on me. i really hope so. then i dialled mak's number.
"awat mak?"
"kak ok ka? kak kat mana neh?"
"ok. kak kat kolej la. awat mak?"
"la neh kak dilah sabaq..."
" awat mak, awat?" i could let her calm me down first, i just wanted to know why. i dont want to listen about any other things.
"abah...abah dah takdak"
"la...kenapa..."
"takpa lah na...kak dilah sabaq, bacakan yassin untuk dia...takyah la balek. byk2 sabaq na..." and she lost in tears. i couldnt hear mak's voice so hang up. i made my way to the class. still, the fact that abah is no longer with me hadn't register in my head. the conversation between mak just now played in my mind over and over again. when i finally get the idea, i utter Innalillah for him. i hadnt had any clue to utter it the moment i hear about this. the last step before i reach INTED, i started to cry, realizing the i could never see this man again. i just realize that even i catch the earliest flight of the day, i wouldnt make it in time just to see his face for the last time. i know i just couldnt. i recalled the last moment i saw him, i recalled the word i spoke to him. No wonder smalam abah tak angkat phone. the last few days pon die jarang angkat phone. die dah tak brape dengar. my Fathers day card reached him
ps: sorry guys, i cannot proceed writing. ill continue when i have the strength to talk about this again.
i could be sure of my feelings. bercampur baur. when i got back from work, aku tak sabar2 nk smayang. tatawula nape. that day, the pray took me quite a long time coz i pour my heart out to Him. i didnt know what i rambled. finished praying, i didnt feel released. I stretched my hands for the Holy Quran, that blue one that i always love and began reciting it. after a few line, tears started running down my cheeks. How weird, coz i dont know what i was crying for. i continued reciting for a long time coz i could stop. i just could not stop. i went to bed in tears. still, i could not find the reason for my breakdown.
24th June 2008
i woke up feeling worried. i had butterflies in my stomach all the time. i just continue my day as usual. one thing about this morning was i laughed my heart out. me and my housemates were laughing at Nad for an incident that day. i dont normally laughed my heart out like that, i mean i did, but not whole-heartedly because i just didnt feel like it. This day was different though. Something popped out my mind : "eh, Tiku, nape ko gelak happy sangat neh, karang nk nanges kot..." i dont believe when ppl say, lepas gelak, ko akan nanges. then i made my way to the gym for i wanted to register to become member. i almost forgot my handphone but i had the feelings that i need the phone that day. so i went back and took my phone. i had my to do list in my hand because this day would be a busy one for me. i had many things to settle. i went to the gym but i didnt register..or did i? hurm. i forgot. i didnt think i registered. when i walked back to the main reception, there's a message alert. hurm. sape ye.. Bangmet: "dilah, call umah sat. urgent." you see, my brother is a serious type. he would not message me without any reason. the word urgent stopped my heart beat.i hope my family were playing prank on me. i really hope so. then i dialled mak's number.
"awat mak?"
"kak ok ka? kak kat mana neh?"
"ok. kak kat kolej la. awat mak?"
"la neh kak dilah sabaq..."
" awat mak, awat?" i could let her calm me down first, i just wanted to know why. i dont want to listen about any other things.
"abah...abah dah takdak"
"la...kenapa..."
"takpa lah na...kak dilah sabaq, bacakan yassin untuk dia...takyah la balek. byk2 sabaq na..." and she lost in tears. i couldnt hear mak's voice so hang up. i made my way to the class. still, the fact that abah is no longer with me hadn't register in my head. the conversation between mak just now played in my mind over and over again. when i finally get the idea, i utter Innalillah for him. i hadnt had any clue to utter it the moment i hear about this. the last step before i reach INTED, i started to cry, realizing the i could never see this man again. i just realize that even i catch the earliest flight of the day, i wouldnt make it in time just to see his face for the last time. i know i just couldnt. i recalled the last moment i saw him, i recalled the word i spoke to him. No wonder smalam abah tak angkat phone. the last few days pon die jarang angkat phone. die dah tak brape dengar. my Fathers day card reached him
ps: sorry guys, i cannot proceed writing. ill continue when i have the strength to talk about this again.
5 comments:
tiku, im here for you. :)
sedey la baca neh.
laju je air mata aku T_T
ko mmg kuat. sgt kagum ngn ko.
(walopon ko xpndai dlm kira2 :P)
tiku dear, i hve the same feelings like u did(23rd June). i felt scared out of nothing. my hands trembled. my hear beats faster than ever. and i cried during my doa. but i don't know why i cried. untill now.
nway, be strong ekh tiku. take care. u r strong. i believe in that. till we meet again. mwuax!
oh, i forgot to mention when did i get those feelings.
8th Oct 08
scary! hahahahah
dear tiku,
when i met u in kmpp for d very 1st time in 2005 (that was like yrs ago), i knw that u're such a strong girl. i don't know on what basis my heart said so but i knw that my prediction was right
and yes indeed. u're such a strong girl dear
al-fatihah to ur abah..
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