aku camne plak?

just called home, and found out kakmam got 1st class degree for her amende ntah. and now die tgh br second degree. bangmet dah brape sem dpt dean list..mak plak tgh amek ptk. dilah? uhu...dilah cume seorang budak yg suke off task dlm klas, takleh dok diam. dilah is the person who have problem to focus. klu kelas 2 jam, ill be fidgeting in my chair. jap2 g kuar jln2 kat koridor. haiya. risau. camne nk amek phd, klu time degree pon dah camne. haiya. hurm..so, i have to work this out kalu saye btol2 nk phd. nk phd, i need to serious amek degree, btolkan mane yg patut selagi sempat. plan: betulkan study skills (mira, u know wut i mean), grammar...i mean it. have to be serious about this, coz i wont have kengkawan nk checkkan my grammar for all my life. academic writing is the most problematic part, but i wont give up. lesley and student support centre can help me with this, not forgetting kengkawn marjon aku...haha. so, lets get started. tiku, focus!
reminder:
1. kene jage kesihatan btol - minum air kosong bebanyak, tak mau la dehydrated..susah nnt.
- tido kene cukup and on time, so your body know what to expect at certain time.
2. main purpose dtg uk - BELAJAR.

my favourite chapter in life

i told you that ure my favourite chapter in life. as i flip through the pages, i found that meeting you gives me the most colourful page.you give me rainbow, as well as storm! haha. thanks for that. glad for heart to heart session that manage to entangle all my questions. there are not many, but they are killing. heh. i cant tell whether we wil meet again, because at times i feel if we just keep each other as history, and not meeting each other anymore will make it easier.,well, at least for me. honestly, i am not ready to meet u again. afraid that i might fall for you. not again. sorry i just dont know how to give up on you. yeah, now youre my favourite chapter, still. the chapter that i remember the most, but i dont mean to re-live it again.

hari neh gloomy,tapi aku tak.. heh.

ok, first thing first. i feel like dancing listening to Afgan's Betapa Aku Cinta Padamu. hehe. rase melayang2. ok. next, i wont say i am happy today. but i feel better la. da few days aku merempat bilik mira (sory bilek, aku ttp sayang bilik aku)..insyaAllah aku balek la bilek aku nnt. the reason i feel better today:

1. flu da maken pulih...
mane tak pulih nyer, aku tido 12 jam sehari. bangun utk makan, answer nature's call, solat, makan ubat. itu aje la. ubat yg gle tak sedap tuh aku makan on time. hehe. pastuh aku asek minum ae suam smpy aku tak larat dah nk g toilet.
2. dah mule buat esaimen...
bapak blur ah balek plymouth. owang laen dah nk siap, aku still pening2 lalat. lalat pon tak pening cam aku. heh. so, as i promise to Hana, smlm aku da siapkan at least 30 words. haha. hari neh aku da bt intro and outline (hampir2la).
3. nk kuar g town, nk cr keje...
nape aku nk keje lagi? im broke! d'oh!. ok, i noe ade yg nk bagi opinion and blablabla...but, dont say it! i will go to town and apply. haha. (its too late klu korang nk ckp pape). pendek kate, pdan muke aku yg sangat boros. kan dah broke. lagi satu, aku da tak gune greendog kat bilek. and aku dah jrg bergayut fon. cume call umah aje. yg bergayut cam nak gile dulu tuh dah tak pakai...
4. lagu afgan ni lah...
tak caye cube korang dengar...isk. aku ulang dr tadi. sweet!!!!!! argh! sweet gile.
5. isk...ade lagi ke reason? dah la. nk smbung bt esaimen. aku kene anta next week. pulak tuh, next week aku da start keje, klas...sume2 lah.

assalamualaikum, and good day!
muah!!

minta maaf semua...

assalamualaikum, and greetings to everyone.
first and foremost, i should state here that i am currently emotionally challenged. so, i hope you bare with me. i have no reason, meaning i dont have any specific topic to write about today, just wanting to let you know that i am having a hard time here, and saye mntak maaf awal2 for perangai yg tak menentu. my beloved abah passed away on 24th june. i keep telling myself that i have nothing to regret (refer to the previous post), but i miss him terribly. i know the same goes to each my family member, but the fact that i dont get to see him is killing me. (ya Allah, tabahkan hati ini menempuh dugaan yg maha hebat ini). i got back in plymouth last sunday. i am having problem sleeping at night (plus jet lag) sbab i am so takut everytime i terjage. the first night, i went to bed around 12 sumtin, and i terjage around 4. homesick sangat, sebab i am used to having my family around thru this hard time, but tibe2 bukak mate, dah ade kat uk. its worst than homesick mase kat stf. and i cried everytime i terjage. cried too much that i dont feel quite well now. i called home, everyday. i talked with mum. i am currently staying at mira's (sorry mira, thanks so much for letting me tompang). i noe i cannot continue calling home everyday (nnt mampos nk kene byr bil), and i cannot forever stay in mira's. i am praying that Allah akan ease my burden, and at the same time, i need to help myself as well. to friends, thanks so much. i dnt know how to repay your kindness.
to mak and family,
i hate to admit that i feel so difficult being in this situation now, but i know that Allah tak menguji hambaNya, melainkan dengan ujian yg mampu dipikul hambaNya itu. doakan saya tabah... :) saye mendoakan kesejahteraan semua orang. semoga arwah abah ditempat bersama para solihin.
to friends,
thanks again. so much.
to awatif,
.............. be strong.

ps: isk, aku nk reinvent blog neh la. aku bosan tgk blog sendri. urgh!

rindu di mana-mana

i am currently in IPBA, but i am going back to Penang at 3pm today. i am content here, to be with my friends again, but bile derang g klas..i feel alone. its like back in uk, where i am going to be alone in my room. (my housemates mmg la ade..). its nearly 3 weeks since i balek msia, i almost forgot that i have to face my normal life kat uk nnt. ntahlah,mcm ade something missing. and i think my spirit dah tak sekuat dulu. if thats the case, i hope it is not permanent. yeah, talking bout the title of the post..even i skang neh kat ipba pon, and bebudak neh depan mate, i miss em already. mlm kang i sampai umah, and i get to see my family pon, i miss them more than ever. i miss bebudak nakal kat uk tuh jgak. i think maybe balek uk weekend neh, i will have to start from scratch. everything needs to be restructured. hurm..people reading this, hope u know that i dont live in denial, its just that sometimes i rase nak tell something to arwah abah. so i write it down. he's been my pembace blog yg paling setia. here it is...
dear abah,
i am sorry i didnt cuci umah, like we always do. but i did pegi kuar ngan bangmet g beli barang2 nk cuci umah. i just mop je lantai dapur and porch. toilet pon tak sental abes2 mcm dulu. mule mmg ingat nk cuci umah, tapi bile abah takde..mcm hilang feel. arituh mase kuar ngan kakmam g sunway carnival, i am so afraid to look around. i am afraid that i might catch a glimpse of you. we did walk into parkson, lalu kat renoma, ur fav place. i feel like crying at that time, but i tahan. buat2 bodoh..haha. ntahlah abah, sometimes i hope this is only a dream. i hope someday i wil wake up from a long sleep and find everything back to what it used to be.
takpelah. we have nothing to regret. coz u get to be with ur loved ones sampai ur last moment. sume owang iring abah smpy kubur. its just me yg takde. nk bt camne, anak yg satu neh jauh. tapi saye redha. because i get to tell u how much u mean to me, i get the chance to say that i love u many times. and i am glad that my fathers day card reach you, one day before you go. saye tak terkilan abah takde tinggal pesan for me, coz i believe you have faith in me. and you know i can go through this hard times. anak abah neh dah besar.. :)

ps: love you!

down memory lane

assalamualaikum, and hi everyone.
if you think this post will be about my late father, you're wrong. i am not ready to write about him. nope. not yet.
just now i went to my primary school, nk register maman. haih..cepat mase berlalu. dah nak daftar anak sdare sendri plak. the school's physical outlook is of course different. there is new building, new paint, new workers. however, there is one thing that will not change, the atmosphere and the feeling that i get when i stroll along the corridors. the smell is still the same, i would say. its like, i can still see cikgu2, and my friends there. i can see me playing handball kat tepi umah cikgu azmar. i miss the canteen. look, i know i failed to deliver the feeling successfully here, mainly because i am rushing. so, lets take this as my first draft, alright?
during these three weeks, i met few of my childhood friends. hanis, farid, farah, elmilia. i hope to upload their pictures. insyaAllah, i will. mase darjah satu dulu, i was in the same class with farid, from 1K to 3K. then, we lost contact until this year. so, meeting him was like a memorable reunion for me (i dont know about him) because it has been 9 years since we last met. ill talk about him more in my next post, i hope.
hanis is my click, together with farah, elmilia and lydia. (im going to ketuk pintu umah lydia after this). ntah, sronok ngan derang. and i love em anyway. every year, i will pegi beraye umah hanis. so, at least i will meet her sekali setahun. hehe. tak sangke, kitorang dah besar. haha. dulu g umah hanis after balek skola agame (we call it 'sekola arab'), tgk cita matrix. hanis always have a thing for pretty boys. she love justin timberlake. haha. im glad that ktrg tak lost contact. i sent her a postcard once few months ago. hehe. and i called her bebile free. she wil be back in her college kat balek pulau this 14th.
now, farah. everytime i kayuh basikal masuk kampung, i will singgah umah farah. i live in taman perumahan called Taman Fahim, and farah is in Kampung Permatang Bertam. farah nyer umah lagi dekat ngan skola. and dulu, farid dok kat blakang umah farah. ktrg slalu ejek farid and farah., coz their names are likely the same. (just say yes la..haish).
rase nak balek jadi budak2..when the future seems so bright and clear for me. i always know what i wanted to do. i wanna be the kid version of awatif who read everything readable, including calendar and menu. i wanna me the younger version of me, who panjat bumbung, who aktif menggila. cant sit still. i miss my childhood.
care to share bout your childhood memories?

ps: this is not complete. gtg.