our birth were celebrated with joy. we were welcomed by families, with smile and presents. we live in the warmth of family love. for the lucky ones, they grow up surrounded by loving family. others may endure hardship during this process. the cliche/normal (depends on what do you mean by normal...this is based on my personal experience, cannot be generalized) will be --> grow up, and go to university, get married and have children. one by one friends found their life partner. some have started to have family. i wonder, when is my turn. but then i wonder again, is that all about life?
lets look back. we came into this world, greeted by familiar faces. these faces accompany us throughout our lives. now lets look around us. how many familiar faces that you know since childhood are still there? are they the same people. or are there more 'younger faces' than the 'familiar faces' that we know?
people say i am a thinker. well, maybe i like to ponder.
i love to visit my childhood life. i like to visit the place i grew up, specifically umah tok ayah. there are not many memories there, but i never failed to recall the emotions when i was there. today, my mind took me there again. and this time, 'the movie' took me to visit that place in detail. i saw the two old people that took care of me, i saw the rambutan tree that i loved to climb, the pink guava tree that is not so small but full of black ants. i revisit the store that once stored pak chaq's bicycle. i saw the fowl's pen behind the house. i revisit everything. i revisit the afternoon when i used to cycle around the village. then i realized, its not the same face that stays with me. the house is now empty. mak tok is no longer there. i dunno where she lives. i couldnt guarantee that she remembers me. tok ayah left me. abah left me. another year passed by. am i going to loose another soul that has accompanied me since i was born. and at last, how many soul will stay with me during my last moment. as more friends are getting married i noticed that we are now entering a new stage of life. and after everything in this world, what to be of us? how are we going to leave this world. how are we going to be welcome in the next world. i wonder how did the people before us went through this. i wonder how they felt during 'that moment between the two worlds'. and that left me tremble in fear.
what did they see? does it hurt? did they feel sad? are they frightened. if they were given a chance to tell us what they felt, what would they say? these thoughts make me shed tears. because i dunno what to become of me. how many hours do i have left? what happened to them now. i cannot rant about the questions echoed in my mind cause there are countless. i am afraid of the dark and small space. these conditions make me panic and breathless. however, i am now sleeping in the pitch dark. i no longer think about the scary faces or what so ever. because in this end, that will be my final resting place. a cold, dark, very small place.
days gone by. our time is getting near.
lets look back. we came into this world, greeted by familiar faces. these faces accompany us throughout our lives. now lets look around us. how many familiar faces that you know since childhood are still there? are they the same people. or are there more 'younger faces' than the 'familiar faces' that we know?
people say i am a thinker. well, maybe i like to ponder.
i love to visit my childhood life. i like to visit the place i grew up, specifically umah tok ayah. there are not many memories there, but i never failed to recall the emotions when i was there. today, my mind took me there again. and this time, 'the movie' took me to visit that place in detail. i saw the two old people that took care of me, i saw the rambutan tree that i loved to climb, the pink guava tree that is not so small but full of black ants. i revisit the store that once stored pak chaq's bicycle. i saw the fowl's pen behind the house. i revisit everything. i revisit the afternoon when i used to cycle around the village. then i realized, its not the same face that stays with me. the house is now empty. mak tok is no longer there. i dunno where she lives. i couldnt guarantee that she remembers me. tok ayah left me. abah left me. another year passed by. am i going to loose another soul that has accompanied me since i was born. and at last, how many soul will stay with me during my last moment. as more friends are getting married i noticed that we are now entering a new stage of life. and after everything in this world, what to be of us? how are we going to leave this world. how are we going to be welcome in the next world. i wonder how did the people before us went through this. i wonder how they felt during 'that moment between the two worlds'. and that left me tremble in fear.
what did they see? does it hurt? did they feel sad? are they frightened. if they were given a chance to tell us what they felt, what would they say? these thoughts make me shed tears. because i dunno what to become of me. how many hours do i have left? what happened to them now. i cannot rant about the questions echoed in my mind cause there are countless. i am afraid of the dark and small space. these conditions make me panic and breathless. however, i am now sleeping in the pitch dark. i no longer think about the scary faces or what so ever. because in this end, that will be my final resting place. a cold, dark, very small place.
days gone by. our time is getting near.
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