bile budak lelaki nanges..

watching this video reminds me of myself mase f1 dulu. i cant remember exactly what made me cry, but i remember there was this one show kat dlm mufaz. pasal ape ntah. and it really touch my heart and i cried my heart out at that time. tmbah2 time tuh gelap, sbab mase tutup lampu mase isyak, so takdela malu nak nanges. owang bukan nmpak. hurm..bile bukak lampu aje, kantoi masing2 nanges. oh ya, the show was bout parents or something about family la. kan br f1, homesick masih menebal.
mase berlalu. if there is anything that moved me, or touched my heart in anyway, i will refuse to cry. i will try my best not to show my emotion. i will remain 'cool'. i was too ego to admit anything. i was too ego to cry. to cry means to loose.
maintenant..in this foreign country, i realized so many things. i started to listen to nasyid again, (i listen to nasyid before, but i hate to admit that i listen to it..). i used to wonder, apsal my seniors yg balek uk, jadik baek. i mean, bukanla tak boleh. tp yelah kan..once u kat oversea, u get to do anything u want. mmg free abes. and yet, bile free gile mcm neh, alhamdulillah, Allah bg petunjuk. now i know the reason for my question. here in uk, where i dont have families around..these people surrounding me take good care of me. everyone become close. i like this ukhwah. rase slamat. ntah, i feel sronok to open up to them. i feel..ntah. i wish i know how to describe my feelings.
it is in this foreign country, where i need to stand up on my own 100 percent, that i learn to reflect my actions, to forgive myself. this is the foreign land where i learn to let go, to accept the fate, and to submit myself.though i found answers to some of my questions, i know i will always have em. and it is sifat manusie:pelupa. kne slalu diingatkan. and im glad, one by one of us.. started to change for the better. alhamdulillah.
smoge setiap kesedaran yg dapat kat sini will remain. Amin.