aku nk balek

Tawu kenape? sbab aku nk balek la weyh. aku dah tak larat dok jauh dr umah. tak nak dah. dah tak larat. siyes. gedik ke tak eh. ntah. aku pon tatawu. 2 ari lepas, mase balek keja. ntah ttbe aku teringat kakmam. wah. sambil jalan balek keje, nk g Derriford Hospital kat zati, ae mate dah merembes. Isk. Aku NAK BALEK LA!!!

Ha, ini die my guardian angel. (yang tengah).wah. tgk aku dah nanges plak. nk period kot eh? Makhluk neh name die Aziatul Akmam Atan @ Abdullah. aku tatawu la die akan bace post neh ke tak. every post in blog neh, aku tak sure family aku bace ke tak...sbab umah ktrg takde internet. Kakmam,Bangmet, surf kat office, Saddam surf kat cc, mak..? erm..tatawu. Mak ckp kat skola die ade internet. so, aku tatawu la. Oleh itu, aku akan berusaha tules blog dengan lebih 'melayu'.
Berbalek kpd cerita kakmam neh, die neh slalu gossip ngan aku. Klu aku call, ttbe die nyer nada jd agak soft(tanak kasik owang dengar), pastuh ttbe cam ade termasuk nada nk meyakinkan aku atas cerita die tuh...ade la cite yg nak disampaikan. She is 2 years older, and that makes us quite close. Aku takkan penah ngaku aku syg die, tp dlm hati...Tuhan je yg tawu. I would definitely exchange my life for her happiness. Tgk...nanges balek. aku dah agak dah, aku neh homesick. Klu kat umah, aku suke hati je bantai maen pakai baju die. Baju die dah la lawa2...pastuh aku pakai kadg2 smpy rosak lah...baju laen turun kaler la, koyak la...sume kerosakan aku bt. Tp smpu skarang pon, die tak penah larang aku pakai baju die. Ade one time neh, aku demam. Mak kat KL kot. yg ade, arwah abah, kakmam and saddam. Kene pulak, aku demam yg teruk. 3 4 hari jugak la. Abes kakmam la yg bt sume. Masak, kasik aku makan, jelum kepala ngan aie asam jawa, bagi mandi...layan sume kemerepekan aku yg melampau. Kan bile kite saket kan asek nk merengek, pastuh cepat marah. Yelah, sbab tak selesa saket la kan. Ha, jgn nk tipu ko tatawu camne rase demam. Cepuk kang. Mase aku duduk asrama, everytime balek, kakmam mesti at least ade la skali...akan shampoo rambut aku. aku pulak memang ngade bile kakmam ade. Ttbe malas. ttbe nk owang siapkan baju, klu aku nk kuar. Dahla mintak siapkan baju, mintak die ironkan la, itulah. sume. Baju plak, sume baju die. Kalu kuar ngan minah neh, aku mmg tak risau. Duet? Beres. Takde la bawak banyak pon. tp kuar ngan die ttbe jadi mampu. Aku konon slame neh independent, skali klu ade ngan kakmam, ttbe sume mende aku tak reti nk buat. haiya. ape la die rase, ade adek ngade cam neh.
This is my favourite story ever:
I was on my way back from skola agama, when i saw this pink guava tree. Mmg buah tengah ranum. Masalahnye, pokok tuh tepi jalan. segan la kan aku nk panjat walaupun zaman tuh aku konon rock. Pastuh aku balek la, smbil pk care nk amek buah jambu tuh. Then, smpy umah, kakmam ade. Aku ckp ngan die:
Dilah: Weyh, jom p Birthday kawan aku
Kakmam: Ha, sat2, aku siap. (aku agak die neh mmg jenis suke g Birthday)
Dilah: La, takyah la pakai lawa2. Birthday ja pon.
(Bongok. nk g birthday, takkan tak pakai lawa2)
We both cycled to 'the Birthday Party'.
Sesampainya kami di pokok jambu yg dimaksudkan...
Dilah: Weyh, sbnaqnya, takdak pon Birthday...aku nk buah jambu tuh.
Kakmam: Ha? (Dengan tidak berkata apa2...turun dr basikal dan memanjat pokok jambu)
Dilah: (Dalam hati...) YES. Dapat buah Jambu. pandai jugak aku neh.
Once we talked about this, i asked her... "Hang rs nk tumbuk aku dak time tuh?" and she answered.." Nak tumbuk jugak la, tp nk buat camna..dah ank teringin nk buah jambu". :)

I called her the Guardian Angel, sbab die la yg jage segala menda alah kat umah. Mase abah saket, die tolong jage. Sbab mak pon skolah, so die kene la tolong kan. Time tuh condition kat umah mmg agak kucar kacir. Sbab emosi sume pon fragile. Time tuh, aku mmg takde tempat nk bergantung selain kat die neh. Being in her position, i think it is the hardest. Coz she got her own life to handle...working in audit firm and study. She needs to juggle her time between her life and family's. She needs to conceal her emotion, and put others first. At that time, sume yg die rase...die simpan. Sbab die kene makesure she doesnt look worried, or else, mak will worry, and tok. and abah will worry too. To make it worse, i was such a crybaby at that time. Whenever i called, of course i will ask about the condition there. Dah la aku yg tanyer. pastuh aku nanges. Klu jadik kakmam...pening. Yg aku kat sini fragile..sume pon fragile. I imagine her being the brightest star in the sky while the worlds below is getting dark. I imagine her being the thread that holds pieces that hangs from a cliff. The tense lie in the thread, and if that thread fails to hold the pieces...they will all fall down.

Dahla weyh. Aku tanak tules lagi. Penat nanges beb. ngantok. Kang aku nk tunggu kakmam message...sbab nnt aku nk call umah. And ktrg nk gayut.! yeeha!

Love,
Dilah tak mature.

psst: Gamba kat atas tuh, ialah Kak Fadz and Kak Farah. A special thanks to my sister's close friends yg tolong jagekan kakak saye tuh. Sbab sy bukan a good listener. Time kaseh tolong happykan kakak saye mase die down. Sy tak mampu happy kan die, sbab sy hanya mampu buat kacau!