datin orked abdullah

Clock's showing 02.35 and its pass my bedtime already. Just a quick note. Here are pictures for all. Its non-chronological. Randomly selected. 9months to go. Seems just a short time, but for people i am missing, IT IS SUCH A LONG TIME. kalau mengandung pn sempat branak tau. Dilah ok kat sini. Safe and sound. Happy, content and relax. Duet tak byk, tapi alhamdulillah suma cukup.
psst: Imran, jgnla buatkan keje skola maman. Nnt balek mama bace buku cite. Atas tuh bukan kuceng mama, kuceng angkat aje. Tp die gebu mcm abang maman la. Jgn bagi maktok mrajuk lagi tau! Mak: takpa la, nnt kak yg tunggu mak balek. terbalek court plak. Kakmelia: ya lah, klu takdak owang sambut, aku balek naek taxi. Brg2 nnt aku mintak pakcik taxi yg angkatkan. tapi aku yakin ank mesti tak sabaq aku balek kan...nk hadiah le tuh....wahahaha. ok2. pinggan mangkuk. terbukti anda perempuan.

ape yg penting? Kerjasama!!

in yellow: aiman hakim.
caption: pose2...mama nk snap picture.

in red: imran hakimi.
caption: siap ah, lepas mama snap, aku nanges kuat2. owang nk maen camera mama tak kasik.

mama: abang maman buat ape neh? abang maman rindu mama tak?
maman: rindu. seribu juta kali. tgh tgk tv, tggu nk tgk wonderpets.
mama: owh...mama pn rindu maman jugak! mama takleh tgk wonderpets. mama takde tv.
maman: abes arituh mama nyanyi lagu wonderpets, mama tgk kat mane?
mama: mama tgk kat internet la. iim kan mandi kolam. apsal abang maman tak g mandi kolam? g la mandi kolam. g mandi g.

tutt. the other party ended the call. and i called back. talked to mak. and mak said maman is already with imran, mandi kolam. and he asked for laptop, nk tgk wonderpets kat internet.
tp bukan td die kate nk tgk wonderpets kat tv ke?

jambatan tamparuli

Membilang hari. Penantian satu penyeksaan. Namun fikiran ini menenangkan hatiku : The world is the bridge to the Afterworld. Walk on it, but dont try to build on it. Sedarlah wahai hati, hidup terlalu singkat untuk diratapi. Terlalu sekejap untuk diamati indah pelangi. Walau apapun, persoalan hati jangan diselubungi emosi, kerna hati yang mengawal semuanya. Persoalan takwa, iman, segalanya dipersoalkan dari ketulusan hati. Saya bukanlah seorang yang sempurna serba serbi. Banyak yang masih perlu perbetulkan. Saya masih butuh bimbingan ilmuwan sekeliling. Akan saya gagahkan hari-hari yang berlalu. :) InsyaAllah. Amin.

Yeay! Umah dah ade tenet

Sape yg rase aku tak up-to-date sbab umah aku br nk gune broadband...erm...takpelah. ntah2 takde sape pn rs camtuh. Okeh. Malas nk ckp panjang, sempena meraikan kegembiraan ini, mari kita view gamba2 tiku. Gamba ini bertajuk Birthday Kami semua di Plymouth. Khas untuk tatapan keluarga nun jauh di Penang.
Imran, mama tak demam. And slama mama dok sini, mama tak penah masuk hospital. Simpankanlah 'sesuatu' untuk mama.

saat ujian bertimpa-timpa

Saat ujian datang melanda, berduyun-duyun menimpa...janganlah Kau turunkan putus asa buatku. Tatkala hati sebak merintih, mengenang hari-hari lampau..memikirkan hari mendatang, kuatkan peganganku pada agamaMu. Setiap ujian yang kau turunkan buat hambaMu ini, moga dapat mensucikan hatiku. Moga dapat melunakkan jiwaku. Segalanya terlalu pedih, sangat kerdil aku rasakan. Ya Allah. Kuatkan hatiku, tabahkan jiwaku. Jangan kau wujudkan putus asa dalam hatiku, kerna aku sedar RahmatMu terlalu besar. Ya Allah. Bantulah hambaMu ini. Kudratku terlalu lemah, hatiku terlalu gundah.

Saddam Hussein

sejak kebelakangan ini, hati sarat menanggung rindu. 12 Mac 2009, tarikh penting utk si kecik saddam yg nk dapat result besok. I dont wanna be puitis or whatsoever tonight...This is how i speak to him. This is for Saddam.

Assalamualaikum,
Dear Saddam,
So, mak bgtau aku besok ank dapat result. amacam...chuak? i actually forgot about it, tp td ttba teringat tarikh besok. Sebab ank tukaq no fon...and i havent had the chance to ask kakmam for your new number(...and yes, new fon! ) so i am writing this khas untuk adik aku yg tak kecik mana. well, aku ada satu adik ja pn kan. First and foremost, bagusla bg fon jatuh gaung, dapat fon baru. syok la kan? bagus2...tapi persoalannya, apsal tak bagi aku fon no baru? owho...nk lari dari leteran aku ya! ceh...dont worry, ill find my way to get to you.
know what saddam, tonight my heart reaches out for you. lately aku sangat malas nk buat kerja. sangat2 malas. tapi malam neh, thinking of you, teringat masa ank dpt result pmr dlu. mcmana ank berlakon depan arwah abah. mmg jadi. satu family pn cam tak percaya kan. hehe. bukan la apa...abes ank kan manja. even smpy now, dah la ank dok umah, duet berkepuk2...konon dah boleh drive..but we still see you as our adik kecik. sebab kalau boleh, aku taknak adik aku yg neh membesar. Ok fine. panjang sgt mukadimahnya.
Honestly, straight from the heart, i care for you. its just that i dont show it. That is why i ask kakmam to give you duet, so you can experience life after SPM the way you want it to. Buat dear Saddam, please bear in mind, the freedom that our family give you doesnt mean you can do everything sewenang2nya..okeh? Ada yg baek, ada yg buruk, and I think you know family kita tak strict. Sbab family believe that you distinguish between the good and the bad, sbab tu la you get the freedom.Yes, you may choose the path that you want to follow, kan? Kakak2 suma depend on you now. That is why you get your driving licence dulu dari kakmam and aku, sebab ktrg suma harapkan ank to take care of us. Big responsibility there dear. wahai budak kecik, even aku mcm kakak yg tak best, yg asek nk check your whereabouts after 12pm..(haah.ank mcm cinderella, aku kakak tiri), i hope you know...that whatever happens, i am here for you. Bukan bermaksud nk nag you spy balek umah tepat pukul 12, tapi hope si saddam yg ktrg suma syg neh paham, dalam umah tu ramai perempuan. Bahaya kan biaq kakak2 and mak dlm umah mcm tuh. Bukan bermaksud nk pk yg buruk..just being cautious. Check gate, check sliding door sume dah lock ke belom. Check tingkap2...kire kuceng aku cukup tak dlm umah. Make sure ibu kuceng tuh ada ngan anak2 dia. Tolong sama check suma keta2..tingkap tutup full ke tak. Pendek kata, keselamatan family is part of your responsibility now. If you need someone to talk to, just about anything, come and find me. I know you tell me bout your girlfriends la ape lah..and family tak object pn nk ade girlfriend kan. Tapi..ha, ade tapinyer lagi neh. Tapi, kene tawu la kan kita kat mana. Study semua jgn smpy lingkup ye... Send me sms, and ill call straightaway if possible. Just dont put these words " Dilah, call umah jap. Urgent". These make my heart stop. As years gone by, you grew up before my eyes (wah..ayat seorang ibulah!) Now the time has come for you to sail away from home but i love you the same anyway. Sorry that you dont get to share tomorrow with arwah abah, but thats ok kan. He is in our hearts. Kalau rindu2 arwah abah tuh, jgn lupa hadiahkan al-fatihah tau. Sometimes life seems hard for me here, aku bukan kuat mana pn. Konon nampak tough, tapi hati sangat lembut tau! hahahaha. Gelakkan la...gelak. Tapi apa yg penting, semayang jangan tinggal, buat apa pn, ingat Allah. I hope to include you picture here, tapi picture tuh masa kat airport dlu. Gambaq arwah abah ada, so aku belom kuat nk tgk gambaq2 tuh balek. Nnt la dah kuat sket, aku crop. hehe.
Hows kawan2 yg slalu lepak umah? still melepak kat bawah pokok janggus? owh, lupa...langkah dah makin panjang. Skarang lepak minum teh kat embun plak ea? lepak la smpy lebam. Jgn merepek yg bukan2 sudah. Oklah saddam. rindulah. nk buat esaimen plak. owang dah jalan laju, aku br nk start. Aku doakan ank dpt yg terbaik. Dapat result nnt ziarah la kubur arwah abah.
Take care saddam busyuk. Assalamualaikum. I love you.

Dilah

i spoiled my first time

It was 19^th Feb 2009. Or maybe it was last July in the year 2008.

I was dragging my feet to work lately. It has been a long time working as a cleaner for me. Or at least I feel like it has been. So I took 2 days off, because I plan to go to Young Entrepreneur conference at Eden, and helping my friend with her project at the Barbican. Things change at a short notice , I cannot undo my day off so I proceed with it. I was thankful though for having sometime to myself. Not only have I had 2 days off at work, but also 2 days off from class and lectures.

I attended the Yassin recitation at a friend’s house. It was my first time really. I was excited, that I burned my flapjack. I had to do it second round. But it was easy-peasy.

It started normal, like we normally did at Musolla. Started with selawat, and al-fatihah and stuffs. I opened the page, I saw people forming circles. I recognize the faces around. I saw someone sitting on the moo, I saw all girls bending their heads down, eyes following Arabic letters horizontally, mouth reciting it faithfully. All focused. The air was cold, as the window was opened. I feel cold. The sound buzzed in my ears. I started to follow. Then I stopped.

I looked around. The morning seemed quite. I saw the fluffy white fur of that creature which sat on the wooden platform erected in the middle of red earth. The creature meows. It looked at me, and I looked at it. ‘Thank you’, I murmured. Thank you for keeping him company. Thanks for staying with him, all these while when I couldn’t come. I was not clean yet.

I searched for the mat for me to sit. I like the white kurung I wore that day. With my white head scarf. I tried to dress as nice as possible, as presentable as I can. I brought along my favourite read, that blue book, quite heavy. I opened it to 903. My emotion did not tremble, at least not yet. I visited the journey that I experience, without sleeping, without the ability to swallow food. My mind focused on many things, how ironic. The brain failed to recognize my basic needs. I don’t feel tired, that’s why I cant sleep. The brain failed to search to ‘hunger’ cable. So I rejected food. I looked at the letters. The letter Ya, with the duck-like shaped. And the letter ‘Sin’, a beautiful letter for me. I like the way it was painted with the last curve longer and heavier than the other two curves. Pretty.

Here I am, the first time in days, coming to tell you that I am back. That I am thankful to have you in my life, to have an ample time with you to at least let you know that I love you. This is my first gift to you, promising that other gifts will follow. I know our bond did not end, as mom’s bond with you end with your last breath. Didn’t you know that I was a part of mom? Yes, of course you know. Do you hear my heart? If you don’t, He listens and He knows. So I proceed. One by one line recited, with the trembling hands, accompanied by flow of tears. Flooded the two wells. Moistened the Holy page. I felt that each and every word was the bridge between us. I spoke to you as I recited those magical words. I pour my heart out, telling you how I felt, how I missed you but couldn’t find you anywhere.

Before I knew it, it was the last line. The hardest part was coming to the last line. Its hard to end this conversation. Dad, I have come a long way, to find you not waiting for me. Dad, I have come all the way down to find your grave, without the last chance even to catch you last view. I know, He has greater plan for me. Maybe something better. Dad, I want to be a good and filial servant, so my prayer reaches you.

The atmosphere was very different. I clutches the Holy Quran. Hold it tight to my chest. If I could, I wanted to bury it in my heart, so I have all the words ready to sooth me in times of need. I cant stop my eyes welling now. I am going to break down. Therefore I withdraw myself, feeling guilty for spoiling my first time. I withdraw myself and prostrate, for “seek patience with prayer”. The two rakaats wouldn’t seem enough to pour it all out. But He knows. He knows everything that I hide.