Come what may

Life puts you down,
Life treats you bad,
Sometimes you feel like a clown,
when actually you're all mad.

Thats not how it seems,
Is it rainbow that you deem?

Well, i cant talk nmore,
Cause i have a lot to explore.

Come on, get out from the cup
Its time not to give up!

Give up? Choose not to.

jane austen

Manusia selalu prejudis bukan?
Manusia selalu tidak betah dengan sesuatu yang berlainan,
mudah saja membuat andaian.
Lebih mudah melemparkan kata.
Tidak pantas melihat ada hati yang terluka.
Ah,persetankan.
. Salahkan aku menjadi diriku?
Aku tak mau Klise.

circle of life

our birth were celebrated with joy. we were welcomed by families, with smile and presents. we live in the warmth of family love. for the lucky ones, they grow up surrounded by loving family. others may endure hardship during this process. the cliche/normal (depends on what do you mean by normal...this is based on my personal experience, cannot be generalized) will be --> grow up, and go to university, get married and have children. one by one friends found their life partner. some have started to have family. i wonder, when is my turn. but then i wonder again, is that all about life?
lets look back. we came into this world, greeted by familiar faces. these faces accompany us throughout our lives. now lets look around us. how many familiar faces that you know since childhood are still there? are they the same people. or are there more 'younger faces' than the 'familiar faces' that we know?
people say i am a thinker. well, maybe i like to ponder.
i love to visit my childhood life. i like to visit the place i grew up, specifically umah tok ayah. there are not many memories there, but i never failed to recall the emotions when i was there. today, my mind took me there again. and this time, 'the movie' took me to visit that place in detail. i saw the two old people that took care of me, i saw the rambutan tree that i loved to climb, the pink guava tree that is not so small but full of black ants. i revisit the store that once stored pak chaq's bicycle. i saw the fowl's pen behind the house. i revisit everything. i revisit the afternoon when i used to cycle around the village. then i realized, its not the same face that stays with me. the house is now empty. mak tok is no longer there. i dunno where she lives. i couldnt guarantee that she remembers me. tok ayah left me. abah left me. another year passed by. am i going to loose another soul that has accompanied me since i was born. and at last, how many soul will stay with me during my last moment. as more friends are getting married i noticed that we are now entering a new stage of life. and after everything in this world, what to be of us? how are we going to leave this world. how are we going to be welcome in the next world. i wonder how did the people before us went through this. i wonder how they felt during 'that moment between the two worlds'. and that left me tremble in fear.
what did they see? does it hurt? did they feel sad? are they frightened. if they were given a chance to tell us what they felt, what would they say? these thoughts make me shed tears. because i dunno what to become of me. how many hours do i have left? what happened to them now. i cannot rant about the questions echoed in my mind cause there are countless. i am afraid of the dark and small space. these conditions make me panic and breathless. however, i am now sleeping in the pitch dark. i no longer think about the scary faces or what so ever. because in this end, that will be my final resting place. a cold, dark, very small place.


days gone by. our time is getting near.

masa kematian: 7.51pm

Dude....i just cant live without it. i dont intend to get a new one though i can...(coz i have money..hehe). dear watch, ill take u to icu...so i can be with u again.

DO NOT DISTURB

i am very fussy about sleeping, coz im a light-sleeper. its very hard for me to sleep, especially during this nocturnal sleeping time. i have to catch some sleep before work. my actual time of sleeping is around 1900 to 2100. but phone keeps ringing. urgh. its not their fault though, coz they dont know that i am sleeping. but i have an idea of what i wanna do to makesure that i get some sleep tomorrow. hehehehehe....(emotion bertukar...from geram nk campak barang to senyum evil...hehehehe). ok. another 20 mins to go. sape kaco lepas neh, blanje aku sushi...wakakaka. nite.

ps: i dont think ill be able to sleep again.

Rutin Harian Saya

note: this is quite a long post, take ur time...

Assalamualaikum and Hello....(Ho Ho Ho)
Christmas is around the corner, but i havent done my christmas shopping. nah, kidding. i aint got no shopping to do. eh, ckp pasal xmas plak, raye haji tanak crite?? psst: come closer. nk cite neh.
RAYA HAJI
owh. besok dah raye ek. ok2, balek keje trus iron baju kurung and tudung. excited neh nk g raye. smayang subuh sume, trus lelap. hasnul kacau kul 8.45. urgh. too tired nk bangun. umah pon sunyi. lelap lagi. then i woke up...OMG. 12.30. aduh mak. dah terlepas raye. in short, i missed raya sbab i bangun lambat, and tghari tuh tak buat ape, just buat esaimen TSLD04 aje. emailed dr.z, cerite pasal raya, and she asked me to get an alarm clock. haha. i have my phone, just tak bleh bangun.
KEJA OH KERJA
the current situation is like this: i am no longer working at The Plymouth Herald (that newspaper company..this is my first job). I was terminated because of the economic recession. but before that, while working there, i sent my cv to a few places, and i got a place at The Nuffield Hospital. i was thinking of getting that as my second job, but then since i was terminated from Minster Cleaning(The Herald), Nuffield has become my first job. However, i am currently working at Royal Mail as a Xmas Casual Worker. while working at Royal Mail, i tak keje la dekat Nuffield. It is because i am a casual..meaning i am not tied to scheduled working hours. i think this type of work suits me well. sbab i am the person who takes her own sweet time. i tak suke keje pressure...nnt i stress. wakakaka. 'stress la!', kate tiku. heh. nnt la kite cite nape tiku tak suke keje under stress.
Ok, back to ROYAL MAIL. i work there from 2230 till 0630. sometimes if i work overtime, i work from 1800 to 0630. but the thing is, klu nk bt ot, silelah kuat. haha. i dah habis mendenda diri sendri (i denda diri sendri bt ot 3 hari sbab i nakal). insyaAllah ade kudrat, tiku bt la ot lagi. insyaAllah sabtu neh ot but 8 hours je la. from 2200 to 0600. The thing is, i dah maken berat hati nk g keje. wanna know why? (of course u do, or else u wont be reading this). sbab the more i spend time with seniors, the more i get to know them. and the more i get to know them, i get sad. coz theyll be leaving. nnt klu i penat2 kat royal mail tuh, i nak kacau sape? i will miss the sight of 5 taxi lining up to fetch 20 sumtin of us. i will definitely miss the sight of break time. full of Malaysians. when they go back, only 10 of us left. alah....manager pon comfirm rase sunyi. haih la seniors....i cant see you off coz ill be working at that time. aiyak. takpelah kan, i wish you all the best in everything. kejap sangat jumpe...gonna mish you much. take care!
zATI AND I
the two angels has gone back to malaysia on 8th december. its only me and zati in the house. feels like living in two different house coz we seldom met.
0800-1300: tiku tido, zati bangun kul 1100 kot.
1300-1530: kami memasak...'kami' lah sangat, 'die' lagi sesuai kot
1530-1730: tiku mandi, basuh baju ke hape...zati kat bilik
1730-2200: tiku, zati g keje
2200-0700:tiku still keje, zati tido
0700-0800: tiku balek keje, zati still tido.
this routine goes on until weekend. haih. sian la zati. dah la asek makan tak pedas.'weh, ko mesti sunyi aku takde kan...nnt kite tgk gossip artis eh'. haha. itulah keje off-task zati.
HANA AND NAD
ceh, balek msia je dah cite kat aku pasal makanan. ingat aku heran ke? (heran weh...aku perut2 western pn, msia ttp di hati). hana first day dah buzz aku sbab die jetlag. haha...gelakkan hana! si nadhirah plak, dok nk kuar duet gune kad lloyds takleh. hahaha...gelakkan nad pulak! ko saje eh nad, saje la tuh nk post2 pasal msia kat blog. ingat aku tak penah dok sane ke...asal aku bangun tido je....'isk..ape la aktiviti budak berdua tuh...' takpe, kompem penuh la jadual. weh, aku beli barang royal albert...hahaha. aku ngan zati beli pinggan mangkuk...wkakaka...macam makcik2...haih...takpelah. berbahagia la kamu berdua kat msia...asal bawak balek buah tangan kat aku..ill be fine. wakakaka.
THE DUCHESS
just finished watching the movie..urgh. why on earth Georgina dont want to pursue her love with Charles Grey?? ' coz she loved him so much, and she doesnt want his dream to crash' 'and she loves her child too'. but then, apsal that Duke of devonshire is soo 'hellish'. perangai takleh blah eh. he married to get a son, if its a daughter, he just glance, and go. didnt pay attention to her daughter. the issues of how cruel life can be is endless. go on, watch it for yourself. chup2...that Charles Grey tak ensem, but there is something about him (my personal view)...like ne yo's miss independent. "there is something about 'him'...". one thing i like the most about the movie is the language. wah. ala2 jane austin gitu. jane goody2...heh.
CIK YAN's VISIT
last weekend, my coach aka my lecturer aka apeapelah...visited me in Plymouth. alhamdullillah akhirnya sampai jugak..takde la lame die dtg, tapi cukup la utk menyakat2..hhaha.

to people, i mish you lah...tapi tak sempat nk bertanya khabar...tiku ingat je sume owang, tapi tak sempat.

hurm, saket. tapi...

lately, i am experiencing neck and shoulder pain. arineh, tangan aku kdg2 rase kebas la plak. aku nk basuh baju tadi pon, tak larat nk perah. aku pon tatawu apsal jadik camneh. i am quite worried. pk punyer pk,aku pn xtau nape aku saket bahu neh. i assume sbab dulu lame bawak drum, pastuh, aku jenis suke menyental lantai, dinding dan juge toilet. pendek kate, aku suke lah bab2 mencuci neh. note: mencuci dan mengemas adalah 2 mende yg berlainan. kat ipba, aku suke cuci toilet. dtg sini, since 14th april, aku jadi cleaner almost everyday. sampai la skarang. but since 1st dec, aku keje jadik mail sorter selamat 8 jam sehari. semalam aku keje 12 jam. insyaAllah klu diizinkan Tuhan, aku nk la buat ot hari2...tapi i have to listen to my body jugakla. i didnt dare to tell mak, that my shoulder hurts. i just realize this when i played badminton weeks ago. mcm ade something wrong. but i just let it be. then after a while, its getting worse. so, aku mmg tatawu nk btpe, just sapu minyak dan amek langkah berjaga2 seboleh mungkin.
Arineh flapjack aku tak jadi, but habis jugak in no time. sian cik yansempat rase sket je. besok aku buat scone plak. hahahaha....mmg sedap. aku yg semakin risau dengan jumlah chocolate dlm umah neh yg makin bertambah, ttp memakan choc secara berterusan. smpy la gigi aku berdenyut2 balek. haish. apela tiku. nk tules panjang lagi, tapi tangan dah semaken saket. bye.

Hello!

Just a quick scribble here.

ESAIMEN
ESAIMEN dan
ESAIMEN

sebab sy nk amek PhD, so, kene start blaja untuk memfokuskan diri, as well as learning academic writing dengan berwibawa. isk. untuk budak disruptive plus ADD mcm aku, mmg susah. tapi xpe, aku mmg siyes nk amek PhD. oleh itu, kene berusaha dengan bersunggung2 from degree lagi. mari kwn2...

i promised myself if i am being good as in makesure cukup rest, makan and plain water....i will go shopping after submit esaimen nnt. but hey, itu nnt. skarang neh, priority is to assignment.